It's already 2.30am. It's once again Sunday! My dear boyf going to book in later. Not going to see him until next Friday! The reason why I'm still not asleep now was becasue I am waiting for my boyf to be home. See, your girlf so nice! ;x Actually fact is I won't be worried that he's not home yet uh. So I could sleep without worries (:
Went out with boyf and his friend today. Went to watch couple retreat when I wanted to watch case 39 more! So anyway, we walked the whole of Suntec and Marina. Had a great time with boyf. I love love love him! Movie end at around 11 plus close to 12 and he sent me home first. Wanna spend more time with him but my unreasonable and worried mother won't let. I really hope my mother would understand ): Going to have a talk with my mother soon!
I will blog more tomorrow. Tired already!
Will I always be there for you? When you need someone, Will I be that one you need? Will I do all my best to, to protect you? When the tears get near your eyes, Will I be the one that's by your side? Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night? Will I keep the rain from falling down into your life? I promise, I promise. I promise I will
Will I take tender care of you? Take your darkest night and make it bright for you, Will I be there to make you strong and to lean on? When this world has turned so cold, Will I be the one that's there to hold?
Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night? Will I keep the rain from falling down into your life? I promise, I promise. I promise I will
Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night? Will I keep the rain from falling down into your life? I promise, I promise. I promise I will
Yeah. And I love you more every day. And nothing will take that love away. When you need someone I promise I'll be there for you
Certainty in life I could not promise. I'm sorry that I did not know how to love a person. I'm sorry that I does not know how to make a person feel loved anymore. My hearts aches upon typing this. What else could I do other then expressing my feelings here? The root to my attitude problems, I don't know where to start. Have I ever asked myself, what that caused me to have attitude problems? I don't know whether did I or not. But I know that whatever I do I did it for a reason and the reason shall kept inside me and not let it known because there ain't no point knowing. If you think that I'm being unreasonable, being sarcastic, being attitude towards you and that could cause a break out or quarrel, then what I could say was sorry. I'm sorry that you doesn't understand me well enough. I'm sorry that I did not let you try to let you know/understand me. Just let all the blame be upon me. Since years ago, everything was my fault, I'm to blame. Nobody but me. Because I am always the cause of the break out, the cause of the quarrel, the cause of everything. Let all the blame be on me and let it continue to be. I have used to it to taking in all the blame that I "should have deserved". It just seems like an endless fight that I would never win. Half battled and I let go, how stupid isn't it?
...
I just felt so sorry towards my boyf about what had happened yesterday night. I'm sorry that my mood actually affected how the way I treated you. I'm sorry that I have treated you the way that you should not deserve it at all. I'm sorry that I should not have treated you that way because it's me of being moodless and should not affect the way I treat you. I'm sorry that I make you felt that I'm living in this world alone. I'm sorry that I did not actually share what is happening to me to you. I'm just plainly sorry. I know that sorry could not help in anyway. I know that by saying sorry doesn't help or cure anything. I know that I should not naively live in my world alone and not letting you come into my life. I know that I should place you in my life and made you part of my life. I know that I should tell you everything that I am thinking about so there isn't any more misunderstanding. I know that I should not show you attitude. Lastly, I'm sorry again.
Went to meet boyf at Library bus stop early in the afternoon just now. Wasn't in the mood at all when I went to meet him. But after I saw him, I just felt so relieve which I don't know why. Just felt that everything is so lifted after I saw him. Is this the way it suppose to be? After which went to his house and then out for his appointment at CGH. After so, went to his house. Around evening I went home to touch up my make up cause today I didn't bring a bag along. After which went to his temple then went to geylang to meet up with his sister with her boyf to eat dim sum. I was quiet all the way because I have nothing to say. Didn't know them that well so I just keep quiet. I am a very quiet person when I don't know you that well. So.. I just shut up lor (:
I miss you boyf. You had became a part of me already. I would want to share all my happiness and unhappiness with you. I want you to know that I love you. ( Nowadays boyf say he can't feel love from me. Which makes me feel very depress cause I fail to give my boyf feel loved ): ) A BIG BIG SIGH! I'm like thinking of ways to let my boyf feel loved by me. So anyway, I don't know what I wanna do later. Boyf going town for movie tomorrow morning cause his NS company thingy. Probably meet him at town and he have to go temple around late evening to help out. Furthermore Angela wanna watch midnight show because her bloody work end at 10pm. I can't possibly go with my boyf to temple then halfway leave to meet Angela cause my boyf temple at serangoon and I'm meeting Angela at like downtown, so not convenient lor! I don't know how to plan later.. How how how?
Boyf is asleep and I'm still awake. He have to be at town by 0830. Haiya, can there be some exciting stuffs happening in my life? ( Boyf, I'm not saying that going out with you is boring okay! ) && mummy never disapprove my r/s with boyf. (:
Anyway, my boyf makes me felt love like I had never felt before. He really make a big turn in my life. It's like he is different from my ex boyf(s). I don't know why, I like my boyf to control me, restrict me. Not like my past boyf(s), they let me do what I want and go where I want. I mean ya lah, I got all the freedom I want from them. But at the end of the day, I don't feel that they are caring or concerning me at all because they let their girlf go where she wants and do what she wants. Like even I go out with other guys hold hands with them they don't even know or bother lor. But I never do that before okay ! I never like to step on two boats at one time and I never did that at all. And Eddy shall be Angie's one and only. Ya lah, say say only ma, who also can say but I shall prove that he is my one and only by lasting long (: Like my boyf always say he won't scared that I would run away. Cause you know I won't (:
I deleted my tagged account cause of boyf and I never regretted doing that.
I was reading forums right now and I found something that really hit me. It brought sense into me and make me thought of T. Thought of the way he handles relationship, like a mature guy even tho he was only 19. Way to go for you. Even tho I did not contact you anymore, I hope the best for your future and future relationships.
What really hit me while reading the forum was that you should have positive mindset and positive attitude in a relationship and that was what relationships are all about. And it is fucking true that you can't be minding every single small details throughout life as that would be very tiring isn't it? Well, there are many IF's and many Maybe's in a relationship. But I believe that if you are sincere in a relationship towards the guy/girl and he/she is not responding back in the way that you wanted, at least you know you have tried your best. And this would be a great help for your growth throughout your life and molding you to become a greater guy/girl who is considerate. And one more thing that got me hit was that even tho he/her respond through SMS/MSn was rather lazy or casual, why bother? Because as long as when he/she meets you up and you two have a great time together having dinner or chatting throughtout the date, isn't this more than messaging you everyday telling you that she loves you and yet you had nothing to talk about when you two are dating?
It's time to meet my boyf. Blog again!
Some times, I thought to myself.. Is friends trustable? Are they the ones who will be there for you at all times? To me, I treasure friendship a lot because I believe that they are the ones who will brighten up my life. But to think of what I believe in, I could only blame myself for being so naive, being so foolish. Not all friends who will be there for you at all times. Certain times, they have their own problems to handle where they won't have the time to bother you at all. Which probably could be understood. For me, whether I have problem or not, whenever my friends need me, I would always be there for them. But to think of the other way round, I always failed to get friends to listen to what I want to say when I have something bothering me inside. Now that I have my boyf, definitely I can confide in him. But to think of it, what if I have problems with my boyf? Who will be there for me to listen me whine and cry? Who will be there for me to comfort me and let me understand why this quarrel is all about? Endless of advices given out but none of the advices hit me at all.
To think of it, who will really appreciate what I do? I'm on the verge of giving up. Giving up on the thought of keeps. I'm on the verge on giving up on my beliefs. If I were really appreciated, my ex boyf(s) won't put all the fucking blame on me after a break up. After quarrels, I won't be the one in blame because I had not done anything to hurt you at all. But all that you had done to hurt me, have you ever thought of it? Have you ever know why I'm doing all this? I'm really on the verge of giving up everything. I just don't know why, I just don't felt being appreciated by the people around me. Including my friends and stuffs. Like for example, one of my friend was having problem with her boyf and she called me again and again asking me what to do, telling me her problems. I sacrifice my time to talk to my boyf and talk to her. But at the end of the day when I need her, she wasn't there for me at all. How naive I could be? Regardless of how she treat me, I still endlessly help her. Never thought of like I was being literally used by her.
Just felt so fucked up. Felt so naive, felt so stupid.
Suddenly I felt so emotional which I don't know what is the main reason that cause this.
I woke up in the morning and went to meet Alisah to play basket ball. After shooting for a while and running here and there for a while, I begin to feel tired and restless. What the hell am I becoming to. I cannot be lazy! So after that, I sat down and Alisah continued to play. So I watched her play. While watching her play, I suddenly have the thought of him, Ivan back in my mind. I really don't know why. The thought of that time when I ton the night out on Saturday night, when I slept on his thighs makes me think even more. However, I know that all this thinkings are just the past. It could only remain part of a memory in my heart. There isn't any feeling anymore. Just memories. I know that after my boyf read all this, he will start to think a lot. But reassure, you know how I treat you. If I were still have feelings for him, I won't do so much for you. I won't bother about you all. I won't even want to care and concern what you are doing.
If you want to continue to know my thoughts, please do not think too much alright?
Sparkers in my life which makes my life goes blink blink!
Didn't blog for like one day only my boyfriend makes so much noise already! He super noisy ;x But I still love him cause he's my good boyfriend. Boyfriend is booking out on Thursday as he got appointment on thursday where he have to go to cgh and I'm accompanying him there. See, I'm such a good girlfriend lor! Didn't went out this few days cause my boyfriend want me home. I think sooner or later I'm going to be fucking fat lor. Cause when I'm home, I tend to get always so hungry. I want to exercise. So people, please ask me out to gym or basketball okay! (:
Don't feel like blogging already. nights.
His sister birthday card.
