Angie

2009-12-25T13:47:00.003+08:00

It's Christmas today and Merry X'mas!

Everyone must be enjoying right now but I'm like sitting down in front of the screen typing this post. Sounds very lonely right? But nevermind. I shall go out and get myself drunk. OPPS!

chaos.

2009-12-23T21:12:00.002+08:00

I have lots and lots of feelings right now. Lots and lots of thoughts right now. The thought just went haunting me. Suddenly, I just cried to myself. I went crying, keeps crying till my eyes are tired. Till I felt dry inside. I torture myself even more by going down stair to run a few round before I decide to go home. I don't know why am I acting this way. Perhaps the reason why is that I am running away from what I am facing. I have no guts to face up. I have no guts to face anything because I am just so afraid. I have no affirmations that history would not repeat again. Even tho we all might not know what had happened tomorrow or the future, but I believe that as long as you try to make it happen and tried all ways to do it, mistakes would not be made. To think back, I had hardly had mistakes. But recently, I made many mistakes. I don't know why I am like that now but what I could say was that nobody knows how I feel. Nobody knows why I cry. Nobody would bother to console me and they would just give me a miss. My tears are like dropping while typing this post. Your words really got me through. It pierce through my lil broken, unhealed heart. I felt that you are not fighting for anything. Everytime where I would try to be cold, try sound you for a break up, you would just say if I want it this way then it would be this way or if I think it's like that then it would be like that. Once again, I got myself an additional piercing through me. Whenever I sound for a break up or that I'm treating you cold, it is for a reason. Point is, I never wanted a break up. Point is, it's either I'm sad or angry or disappointed that would made me say those words out from my mouth. I know I have a sharp mouth but I doesn't mean anything in anyway. What I say now is useless. It would never salvage anything. I just want to stop explaining. I need understanding.

Without make up the best policy? (:

2009-12-21T13:58:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was my first month with my boyfriend. I have had nothing for him yet he had had something for me. He bought me a piglet and he fold 99 heart for me and put it in the bottle. How sweet is him. I didn't know he is so sweet till yesterday. Boyfriend don't show that he is sweet outwardly. Anyway, thanks boyfriend for the gift. Even tho I might have nothing for you now, you shall wait for my surprise one day. Wait ah, must wait leh (:

I was browsing through my messenger list and suddenly I saw someone online. Usually, I don't see that person online. Suddenly that person's presence make me felt so surprised and led me to reminisce. Shall delete him from my messenger list as I don't want to have any form of communication with him anymore. By the way, that person I'm referring to was my ex boyfriend.

What to do on christmas? I have freaking no idea. Just want this year christmas to be so different. Hopefully it will (:

The piglet on the left was from my boyfriend and the one on the right was bought at vivo toy'r'us with Aisyah!

2009-12-20T01:16:00.002+08:00

I just realize that my weight just stay as it is now. I just wanna get a KG lighter but yet nobody is accompanying me to exercise. Thousands of sms sent out but none replied. I'm feeling rather rather depressed now. I got my blogskin changed again and again. Just could not find the one that I wanted. Was so indecisive with it. While changing my blogskin, I was on another hand downloading The Sims 3. It's like 5.60GB and now it's only like finished 100plus MB. I think if I camp the computer, tomorrow it won't finish download tho. I'm just so freaking bored at home.

Today will be my one month with my boyfriend. Well, there are a lot of arguements and disagreements during this one month and I could say that we had definitely learnt something out of it. Even tho sometimes I still feel very pek chek with the stuffs you did, I would just learn to let go. Don't think too much can already. I just realized that the more I think, it would just get me very depressed and fed up. So.. (:

I don't know what to do this few days. Getting myself so fed up over this. Sigh sigh sigh. I don't really get it tho.

2009-12-17T23:38:00.002+08:00

I want to complain. I want to make a big big complain! My boyfriend not romantic one! ;x I yet to recieve any flower from him leh! ;x

You know I love flower a lot one can ;x

Till here. bye!

2009-12-15T22:33:00.003+08:00

If this sun flower could just appear in front of me right now, I would hug you and give you a very big kiss on your face.

I'm disappointed. Really very disappointed. The chapter of my story keeps repeating over and over again as tho the video player was spoiled. I was hoping for a new beginning, a new hope. Hoping a guy would love me. Make me felt loved. Make me feel the love from you. Hoping a guy would surprise me every now and then. Hoping a guy would know how I feel. Hoping a guy would be there for me when I cry. Hoping a guy would comfort me when I'm feeling down. Hoping a guy would not say sorry to me all the time. I'm hoping. Perhaps my expectations are too high. But isn't it that you have high expectations for your love ones? Sorry, I have high expectations.

Even so having high expectations, I did not expect it on you. I just let you do what you want to do but you did not know that what you have been doing are hurting me. But yet I did not mum a single word about it because I thought that it would be fine after that. But my thought was wrong. It was really wrong. I should not have give in to you all the time. I should not have. I don't want a relationship that was just build to be apart so fast. But what could I do? What I could do is to let you do what you want. As long as you like and it satisfy you then that is it. I wouldn't want to care or bother so much then. Which guy would rush down and wipe my tears when I'm crying? My answer is nobody would. I would just hide in my room and cry. And hoping for a new hope the next day. Whenever I cry, I just wish there would be someone there to comfort me. There would be someone there to wipe my tears away for me. But sad to say was that nobody would want to talk to me. Don't even mention comfort. Don't even mention wiping my tears away for me.

I felt that my love have been betrayed.

Endless of "I miss you" I said towards you, you still did not make yourself appear in front of me. Disappointing. Thinking of this makes my tears drop even more.

If you were to ask me whether am I okay, I'm not okay.

I tried my best to be in this relationship. I had tried hard enough. It's up to you now whether you want to salvage the entire relationship. If not, then just let it be over. My heart had sank to its deepest level and not seeing hope anymore. I can't see the light. I can't see it. It's not fastinating to cry. Perhaps it has become my hobby to cry.

I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW. GUIDE ME.

posted 10:57PM

2009-12-15T00:55:00.002+08:00

Went to watch case 39 with Aisyah at Vivo today. The movie was great and it didn't disappoint me because it was the movie that I have always been wanting to watch! After the movie we bought a piglet from Vivo together and went to town to walk. Walked for a while and I went to find my boyf at Yishun while she meet her cousin. Boyf must be feeling loved. I fetched him today again (:

I don't know why I feel... so...

posted on 12:58AM, Tuesday.

2009-12-13T23:12:00.006+08:00

BEACH, BEACH, BEACH. IT'S TIME FOR THE BEACH TODAY!

I have been wanting to get myself more tan and then be satisfied with it and I think I over tan myself. I better stop tanning!

Went to the beach today with boyf. I had asked him whether wanna go to the beach on a Saturday afternoon he did not reply me and is also because I did not ask him again... So we heed to the beach today. I must make calls and calls again to him for him to wake up. He say meet 0830AM at tampines interchange. I reach Tampines interchange at 0835AM and he JUST woke up to get his things ready. He got me waiting till 0858AM. Went to had Macdonald breakfast after waiting for him for so long!

After breakfast, heed down to Sentosa (: We went to siloso beach, found a place and went to the water. Sun tan a lil and spend most of the time in the water playing. Had a great great time with my boyf. Do you had a great time with me? After so, walked around Vivo city, get our lunch and went to his house. He sleep like a pig. I slept for a while. I don't know why I can't sleep. Boyf, you want to know why? You ask me personally. (:

Boyf, thanks for the day today. Even tho its just the whole morning till afternoon, not the entire day, it was already fufilling enough. Hope to have more good times with you!!! Bear that in mind, your girlf will keeps bugging you until you bring me go! Muhahahaha (: Shall blog tomorrow. Will be heading to Vivo city again but this time round with Aisyah. I want to get a bikini (:

posted on 2327.

2009-12-13T00:25:00.004+08:00

Currently listening to Stacie Orrico, I promise while typing this post. The song really got me through. Got me through my mind that I actually made a promise to myself deep down inside. Had a big big quarrel with my boyf this few days that actually got me to say "Let's break up" with him. I never wanted to say those words to you but I was really very very heartbroken. I'm sorry that I'm not a person with words. Certain stuffs that was within me, it's difficult for me to say out through my mouth. Sorry but I have to learn to. Give me some time and I'm sure I would be able to do it. Let me tell you something boyf, you are the very first guy who I break down to. You are the very first guy who saw me cry. You are the very first guy who wipe my tears away while I'm crying. You are the very first guy. Nobody had seen me break down. Nobody had seen me cry. You are the very first one. I admit that when I'm angry or felt disappointed, words would just fly out from my mouth without much thinking. I'm sorry that I had hurted you with my words. I want to be a good girlf to you. But I just realized that I'm not. I felt so helpless towards you. I don't know what I could do that could help you relieve your problems. Did you realized that whatever you say you want to do I never did actually say no? It's because I understand why you are doing all this. But one thing is I don't like my boyf to stay out late at night. I really hope you would understand this. It's the same thing, you would not want your girlf to stay out late at night without you around right? So I really hope you would understand. I hate you staying out till 2/3 am in the morning but I still chose to let you stay because I believe one day you would understand why am I doing all this. There are a lot of things I want to say. But it just suddenly doesn't come to my mind. I hope you would know that I'm worried for you when your are outside. I hope you would know that I'm worried for you such that I could not get myself to sleep because I'm worried. You always got my heart set to ease. Your hug means a lot to me. Your love makes me felt that I don't need anyone else anymore. When I was about to break down infront of you, I actually wanted to stop myself. I don't want you to see me cry. I don't want you to see me break down. But tears just keeps flowing. It just keeps flowing that I had lost my sense of talking. I just felt very heartbroken by what you said and that what had happened this few days really got me to break down. I hope you would not call me "xiao jie" again. I hope you would not mention those words again.

There are no promises that we would not quarrel again. There are no promises. But I would give my very best to avoid all this. I would. Do you know that you are the first guy who did not make me wanna change your name in my contact? I might quarrel with you till the point that I was really heart broken and just wanna end the relationship, when I saw your contact on my phone, it just got me so soft hearted. I just want your contact to be what it is now.

Wasn't feeling so good nowdays. I think I'm suffering from lovesick. How? Boyf you better cure me cause you are my doctor (:

I love you Eddy.

2009-12-11T00:47:00.002+08:00

I don't know why I would be responding like that. Is it because that I am thinking too much or just... I don't know? I have been thinking, our temper would not get us anywhere at the moment. At the moment right now, we are stuck at our temper. We both know that we are stubborn and at certain times, this stubborness could not be put aside. I am disappointed with myself because I could not even get a relationship right again. Felt that somehow there is just a boundary between us. I don't know what is it about but that's how I feel. I felt that our conversations are so limited. I felt that what we can do together are limited. I wanted to go cycling with you, you doesn't want. I wanted to go roller blading with you, you doesn't want. I played with you, you asked me to stop. What I had tried, I tried. When I am frustrated or angry with certain stuffs, I know that putting and showing my anger on you was wrong of me. But at that point of time, what could you said to ease my anger? What could you just say to let me calm down? When I'm frustrated or angry, I am already very disappointed with myself but yet you just sigh and say "sorry that I made you angry again" really makes me even more disappointed. Fact is, I'm not angry with you. I just hope you could say something pleasent for my ears to listen that my brain would ease down.

Your words on Wednesday night really got me thinking. You talked about her, your ex lover. You said that what does her boyf got to deserve to have her? You said those qualities that you had but not her boyf had. You know what? You really got me thinking. You got me thinking that so I'm far worst than her that only she was the one who deserve you. She was the one that would go twirling your heart and make your heart melt. You got all the qualities that you had that deserve her. After saying all your qualities that you had but her boyf did not, you continued and said that she wasn't that good after all.. In the first place, why on earth you told me that? Why on earth you told me that "what does he have to deserve her?". You really got me thinking that you would be a better guy for her compared to her current boyf. I know what I'm saying now might not be what you are thinking now, but this is how I felt. If this is the case, then go ahead with her. I really... feel very heartbroken upon hearing all this.

I chose not to say it on Wednesday because I don't want to spoil the atmosphere. I did not want to mention it just now because I just want to act as tho I did not hear about what you said on Wednesday. But... it just stuck right in my head. Sorry, I felt very heart broken.

I wanted to jog, cycle, roller blade, swim with you but none of it you would want to do it with me. I bug you for cycling, you would just reject with a "NO". What else could I say? I don't want to do all that anymore. It's my turn to say no. It's my turn.

You will sure come to me again and ask me "what I want now?". And showing me in your handphone what I had posted in my blog and questioned me again and again, "what I want now?" Please just shut up about what I am posting right now. If you were to really ask me "what I want now?", sorry that I might..........

If you want to know the answer to that sentence, just try it.

posted at 1.19AM, Friday.

2009-12-08T13:10:00.003+08:00

You got me so indulge ♥

I went out everyday and mummy/daddy did not say anything at all. Was happy with the life I have now.

Going out with Cheryl & Angela later and meeting boyf for dinner (:

You got such a nice nice nice girlf okay! Shall take photos today.

-1.15pm

2009-12-07T13:43:00.014+08:00

♥ Your presence always set my heart to ease
- 1.50pm

2009-12-06T02:29:00.002+08:00

It's already 2.30am. It's once again Sunday! My dear boyf going to book in later. Not going to see him until next Friday! The reason why I'm still not asleep now was becasue I am waiting for my boyf to be home. See, your girlf so nice! ;x Actually fact is I won't be worried that he's not home yet uh. So I could sleep without worries (:

Went out with boyf and his friend today. Went to watch couple retreat when I wanted to watch case 39 more! So anyway, we walked the whole of Suntec and Marina. Had a great time with boyf. I love love love him! Movie end at around 11 plus close to 12 and he sent me home first. Wanna spend more time with him but my unreasonable and worried mother won't let. I really hope my mother would understand ): Going to have a talk with my mother soon!

I will blog more tomorrow. Tired already!

2009-12-04T17:52:00.004+08:00

Will I always be there for you? When you need someone, Will I be that one you need? Will I do all my best to, to protect you? When the tears get near your eyes, Will I be the one that's by your side? Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night? Will I keep the rain from falling down into your life? I promise, I promise. I promise I will

Will I take tender care of you? Take your darkest night and make it bright for you, Will I be there to make you strong and to lean on? When this world has turned so cold, Will I be the one that's there to hold?

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night? Will I keep the rain from falling down into your life? I promise, I promise. I promise I will

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night? Will I keep the rain from falling down into your life? I promise, I promise. I promise I will

Yeah. And I love you more every day. And nothing will take that love away. When you need someone I promise I'll be there for you
Certainty in life I could not promise. I'm sorry that I did not know how to love a person. I'm sorry that I does not know how to make a person feel loved anymore. My hearts aches upon typing this. What else could I do other then expressing my feelings here? The root to my attitude problems, I don't know where to start. Have I ever asked myself, what that caused me to have attitude problems? I don't know whether did I or not. But I know that whatever I do I did it for a reason and the reason shall kept inside me and not let it known because there ain't no point knowing. If you think that I'm being unreasonable, being sarcastic, being attitude towards you and that could cause a break out or quarrel, then what I could say was sorry. I'm sorry that you doesn't understand me well enough. I'm sorry that I did not let you try to let you know/understand me. Just let all the blame be upon me. Since years ago, everything was my fault, I'm to blame. Nobody but me. Because I am always the cause of the break out, the cause of the quarrel, the cause of everything. Let all the blame be on me and let it continue to be. I have used to it to taking in all the blame that I "should have deserved". It just seems like an endless fight that I would never win. Half battled and I let go, how stupid isn't it?

...

2009-12-04T00:07:00.002+08:00

I just felt so sorry towards my boyf about what had happened yesterday night. I'm sorry that my mood actually affected how the way I treated you. I'm sorry that I have treated you the way that you should not deserve it at all. I'm sorry that I should not have treated you that way because it's me of being moodless and should not affect the way I treat you. I'm sorry that I make you felt that I'm living in this world alone. I'm sorry that I did not actually share what is happening to me to you. I'm just plainly sorry. I know that sorry could not help in anyway. I know that by saying sorry doesn't help or cure anything. I know that I should not naively live in my world alone and not letting you come into my life. I know that I should place you in my life and made you part of my life. I know that I should tell you everything that I am thinking about so there isn't any more misunderstanding. I know that I should not show you attitude. Lastly, I'm sorry again.

Went to meet boyf at Library bus stop early in the afternoon just now. Wasn't in the mood at all when I went to meet him. But after I saw him, I just felt so relieve which I don't know why. Just felt that everything is so lifted after I saw him. Is this the way it suppose to be? After which went to his house and then out for his appointment at CGH. After so, went to his house. Around evening I went home to touch up my make up cause today I didn't bring a bag along. After which went to his temple then went to geylang to meet up with his sister with her boyf to eat dim sum. I was quiet all the way because I have nothing to say. Didn't know them that well so I just keep quiet. I am a very quiet person when I don't know you that well. So.. I just shut up lor (:

I miss you boyf. You had became a part of me already. I would want to share all my happiness and unhappiness with you. I want you to know that I love you. ( Nowadays boyf say he can't feel love from me. Which makes me feel very depress cause I fail to give my boyf feel loved ): ) A BIG BIG SIGH! I'm like thinking of ways to let my boyf feel loved by me. So anyway, I don't know what I wanna do later. Boyf going town for movie tomorrow morning cause his NS company thingy. Probably meet him at town and he have to go temple around late evening to help out. Furthermore Angela wanna watch midnight show because her bloody work end at 10pm. I can't possibly go with my boyf to temple then halfway leave to meet Angela cause my boyf temple at serangoon and I'm meeting Angela at like downtown, so not convenient lor! I don't know how to plan later.. How how how?

Boyf is asleep and I'm still awake. He have to be at town by 0830. Haiya, can there be some exciting stuffs happening in my life? ( Boyf, I'm not saying that going out with you is boring okay! ) && mummy never disapprove my r/s with boyf. (:

Anyway, my boyf makes me felt love like I had never felt before. He really make a big turn in my life. It's like he is different from my ex boyf(s). I don't know why, I like my boyf to control me, restrict me. Not like my past boyf(s), they let me do what I want and go where I want. I mean ya lah, I got all the freedom I want from them. But at the end of the day, I don't feel that they are caring or concerning me at all because they let their girlf go where she wants and do what she wants. Like even I go out with other guys hold hands with them they don't even know or bother lor. But I never do that before okay ! I never like to step on two boats at one time and I never did that at all. And Eddy shall be Angie's one and only. Ya lah, say say only ma, who also can say but I shall prove that he is my one and only by lasting long (: Like my boyf always say he won't scared that I would run away. Cause you know I won't (:

I deleted my tagged account cause of boyf and I never regretted doing that.

2009-12-03T12:06:00.003+08:00

I was reading forums right now and I found something that really hit me. It brought sense into me and make me thought of T. Thought of the way he handles relationship, like a mature guy even tho he was only 19. Way to go for you. Even tho I did not contact you anymore, I hope the best for your future and future relationships.

What really hit me while reading the forum was that you should have positive mindset and positive attitude in a relationship and that was what relationships are all about. And it is fucking true that you can't be minding every single small details throughout life as that would be very tiring isn't it? Well, there are many IF's and many Maybe's in a relationship. But I believe that if you are sincere in a relationship towards the guy/girl and he/she is not responding back in the way that you wanted, at least you know you have tried your best. And this would be a great help for your growth throughout your life and molding you to become a greater guy/girl who is considerate. And one more thing that got me hit was that even tho he/her respond through SMS/MSn was rather lazy or casual, why bother? Because as long as when he/she meets you up and you two have a great time together having dinner or chatting throughtout the date, isn't this more than messaging you everyday telling you that she loves you and yet you had nothing to talk about when you two are dating?

It's time to meet my boyf. Blog again!

2009-12-02T23:00:00.002+08:00

Some times, I thought to myself.. Is friends trustable? Are they the ones who will be there for you at all times? To me, I treasure friendship a lot because I believe that they are the ones who will brighten up my life. But to think of what I believe in, I could only blame myself for being so naive, being so foolish. Not all friends who will be there for you at all times. Certain times, they have their own problems to handle where they won't have the time to bother you at all. Which probably could be understood. For me, whether I have problem or not, whenever my friends need me, I would always be there for them. But to think of the other way round, I always failed to get friends to listen to what I want to say when I have something bothering me inside. Now that I have my boyf, definitely I can confide in him. But to think of it, what if I have problems with my boyf? Who will be there for me to listen me whine and cry? Who will be there for me to comfort me and let me understand why this quarrel is all about? Endless of advices given out but none of the advices hit me at all.

To think of it, who will really appreciate what I do? I'm on the verge of giving up. Giving up on the thought of keeps. I'm on the verge on giving up on my beliefs. If I were really appreciated, my ex boyf(s) won't put all the fucking blame on me after a break up. After quarrels, I won't be the one in blame because I had not done anything to hurt you at all. But all that you had done to hurt me, have you ever thought of it? Have you ever know why I'm doing all this? I'm really on the verge of giving up everything. I just don't know why, I just don't felt being appreciated by the people around me. Including my friends and stuffs. Like for example, one of my friend was having problem with her boyf and she called me again and again asking me what to do, telling me her problems. I sacrifice my time to talk to my boyf and talk to her. But at the end of the day when I need her, she wasn't there for me at all. How naive I could be? Regardless of how she treat me, I still endlessly help her. Never thought of like I was being literally used by her.

Just felt so fucked up. Felt so naive, felt so stupid.

2009-12-02T14:29:00.003+08:00

Suddenly I felt so emotional which I don't know what is the main reason that cause this.

I woke up in the morning and went to meet Alisah to play basket ball. After shooting for a while and running here and there for a while, I begin to feel tired and restless. What the hell am I becoming to. I cannot be lazy! So after that, I sat down and Alisah continued to play. So I watched her play. While watching her play, I suddenly have the thought of him, Ivan back in my mind. I really don't know why. The thought of that time when I ton the night out on Saturday night, when I slept on his thighs makes me think even more. However, I know that all this thinkings are just the past. It could only remain part of a memory in my heart. There isn't any feeling anymore. Just memories. I know that after my boyf read all this, he will start to think a lot. But reassure, you know how I treat you. If I were still have feelings for him, I won't do so much for you. I won't bother about you all. I won't even want to care and concern what you are doing.

If you want to continue to know my thoughts, please do not think too much alright?

2009-12-01T23:34:00.003+08:00

Sparkers in my life which makes my life goes blink blink!

Didn't blog for like one day only my boyfriend makes so much noise already! He super noisy ;x But I still love him cause he's my good boyfriend. Boyfriend is booking out on Thursday as he got appointment on thursday where he have to go to cgh and I'm accompanying him there. See, I'm such a good girlfriend lor! Didn't went out this few days cause my boyfriend want me home. I think sooner or later I'm going to be fucking fat lor. Cause when I'm home, I tend to get always so hungry. I want to exercise. So people, please ask me out to gym or basketball okay! (:

Don't feel like blogging already. nights.

His sister birthday card.

2009-11-29T23:14:00.002+08:00

Once again it's time to blog!

I spend my whole weekend with my boyf! From Thursday he book out till just now when he got back to camp. I miss him right now. Been thinking this few days, is it my blessings that I have this boyf right now. He is the boyf that I have been wanting for. He's endless of care and concern for me makes me not to worry at all. I don't have to fear that he would have other girls outside. I don't have to fear that he will dump me someday. I don't have to fear that he would be snatch away because you give me that security. I feel very secure with you around me. Feels that I don't have to worry about anything. I'm sorry that what had happen yesterday. I don't know why I would feel that way. But trust me, I will try my very best to be a perfect girlf to you. I want you to feel different from anyone else outside. Even tho at times I might think back of my past, it would still be the past. And it would never revive again. There won't be rekindle or whatsoever cause I believe that having you is more than enough. Nothing else that I need in my life to make it even more perfect. Cause you had filled that perfectness in me.

Since young, I never being a good child towards my parents. When I'm in secondary school, I somehow mixed with a company of friends who make me see the world. Endless of problems in school with people. My results fall. I even failed my secondary two mid year examinations. My parents are utterly disappointed with me but they did not discourage me. They just nag at me. When I'm at secondary three, I got worst. I start to rebel from my parents and even ran away from home. At that point of time, I'm like the other teenagers outside. Thinking that running away from home is cool, thinking that running from home could solve all problems. But that was not the case. I want my parents to give me all the freedom that I want. At that time, I didn't understand that why a girl could not have all the freedom I want. I don't understand why my parents are so protective over me. Until when I slowly slowly saw and learn everything by myself, then I understand why. I disappoint my parents again and again, they still did not give up on me. I thank them for doing so. Till today, there are still more in life that I have not known, have not seen. But I'm willing to see, willing to learn cause a person could never finish learning. I want my parents to see that I know how to think. I know how to protect myself. I want them to know that I'm safe and not to worry for me. My relationship between my parents and me were atrocious last time. But now, everything changed for the better. I can communicate with my parents like a friend, I can communicate with my brother like siblings. This is the life I want. I love you, parents.

With what I have now, I'm satisfied. I don't need more.

I miss my boyf la!

2009-11-28T01:31:00.001+08:00

Quarrelled with baby just now.

& everything is fine now ♥

2009-11-27T00:00:00.003+08:00

Beautiful? Yes/No? I took it when I was at the rooftop of esplanade (:

Let me talk about my life now!

I started work yesterday and it didn't went that smoothly tho. Didn't really like the people there expect for this woman. She's 26, married. She's chio okay but she's a malay mixed with chinese blood and she talks to me in hokkien. Weird right? Anyway, work was tiring. Have to serve this serve that but I'm willing to learn. Someone just teach me! They are not like teaching me anything. They didn't teach me how to take order and stuffs. They thought that I should know. Fuck la. So anyway, after work yesterday suppose to meet baby. But he last minute can't get his half day off, so I went home disappointed. Met him around evening at Tampines inter and shop around after that he send me back home.

What about today? I went to work in the morning as usual. The fucking boss as me to clean the chair. The fucking manager just dump me there to clean 40 chairs and he claim that he will come back and help me to clean but he fucking did not. FUCK HIM! But luckily got the woman help me to clean and help me to argue with that fucking manager. I didn't argue cause I didn't wanna give bad impression. Like not nice. So after that started working. Today wasn't as busy as yesterday. Yesterday was really fuck. Fucking tired. Work end around 245pm and I went shop around aimlessly waiting for baby to book out from camp. He later messaged me that he will be out around 4 plus. So I went to yew tee to fetch him. See, you got such a good girlf okay! After fetching him, went to marina to have dinner after that he send me back home. I don't have to work tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday. Relaxing right right (:

I hate the work I'm working right now. I hate it to the core. But I choose to continue working because this is the only job currently that don't have to work on weekend. The reason why is because I want to accompany baby on the weekends because he could only book out on the weekends. How sad right? So I'm sacrificing for him! I'm not whining or complaining, I just want to let you know that I got think for you okay! Or else I would go for the promoter job already. Better feel loved by lor ;x Haha.

And and not forgetting, I don't need comments on how my boyf look like. I don't like it. So if you want to see, just see. Don't say anything further. Want say something NICE can. But if you want to give fucking comments which makes me fucked up, I advice you please do not alright? I don't wish any unhappy things to happen. If you want to criticise, keep it to yourself and never, never, never let me know. You know me right? So.. (:

sometimes, the sweetest words might have side effects.

Baby the dangerous driver!

2009-11-25T00:14:00.002+08:00

I love my baby.

I'm going to start work tomorrow but I'm not going to work as a promoter already. I'm going to work at verena's aunt restaurant. It's just working for the lunch hour. I was thinking and thinking, I don't wanna work so much. Just wanna work a bit have a lil money can already. I just don't know why. Just don't feel like working that much. I didn't chose to work at the promoter of that company because their management sucks. Supposely they should call me today and tell me about the product knowledge thingy. They called back and tell me to go Tangs to work from 2pm till 10pm. What the fuck right. I was waiting for their call for the whole day. So if I never call them they won't call me and tomorrow I go centrepoint work, isn't I'm going to go home instead. They are bullshit! They are like no serious in hiring me lor. So I decided to go to verena's aunt restaurant work. At least it's not long hours and I can accompany baby more.

The photobucket is giving me headache. Will post my baby photo soon. He's a dangerous driver lor! That day I went out with him, got two accidents in one night but nothing happened. Lucky nothing happened or else I will be damn traumatised. Baby, drive carefully!

Blog tomorrow. Bye!

2009-11-23T12:48:00.004+08:00

I'm currently using my brother's computer to blog. I have sent my CPU for repair. The person going to install the sound driver so it's going to cost like $38. Hopefully she don't find other problem with the god damn CPU. Or else I wanna go bang myself to the wall. I want a freaking laptop but I'm not working and I have no money. I was telling baby how badly I want a job. What I want to do for my parent's anniversary. I shall hereby thank God that I finally got a job. The person called me today and said that he is going to hire me. I don't know what to say to Alisah. I have not tell her yet.. I just don't know how to say.. If you happen to read this, I'm sorry. They say they still considering whether they are going to hire you or not. Dear, I'm so sorry!

Went out with baby last weekend. Baby told me a lot of stuffs. When going out to the working world, have to be independent. Yes, true that I have to be independent. But I don't like the feeling of having lunch/dinner alone. It's kind of pathetic. I hope I would make friends there so I can go have lunch/dinner with them. So I won't be alone. But I don't think I will take the initiative to make friends with them, cause I'm super shy one ;x haha! Cannot anyhow make friend with guys also! Later baby jealous ;x

Anyway, yeap. I'm attached once again. I know it like "OH MY FUCKING GOD, SO FAST!" But please.. I don't wish to say much. Just.. accept it. Life still have to move on. I have thought a lot about it. Now that I have baby and baby makes me a better person. (:

Baby in camp now now now now now!

2009-11-20T21:36:00.002+08:00

Photos of neo and me and photo of my biology class peopleeee.

I don't know what to say, I don't know what to say, I don't know what to say. All I can say is I'm happy. I'm happy that I moved on. I'm happy that I had let go. I'm happy that I don't long for his messages anymore. So in conclusion, I'm glad.

I want to say, fuck myself. I can't get myself to sleep long hours. I'm always awake after 4 hours of sleep! Cool anot? (:

I will update more when I feel like it okay :D

2009-11-18T23:50:00.002+08:00

I dyed my hair violet + red. Super love my hair now. Finally got my hair dyed like after 123 years. Thanks for mummy for the sponsor. LOVE HER!

2009-11-18T00:46:00.002+08:00

Life this week was BORING. Can't seems to go anywhere cause it's too boring and furthermore I have no money! If I had the money, I would go spluge on things that I wanna buy long long time ago. Or go shopping, see what I like, just grab and go. Isn't this wonderful! Haha. If only I had the money. I have been thinking, if got a man who would provide me everything ah, I definitely will be with him. From breakfast/lunch/dinner treats till shopping treats till buying a laptop for me! I sure be with him one lah. But for the money only. I don't think I will love him. Must must must include a car also. Haha. Angie, stop dreaming la. It will never come true. Guys could get you stuffs but not to the extend of getting a lappy. Unless you got a sugar daddy, maybe that can consider. Haha! But I doesn't want one! (:

But then, if a guy could provide me all that but not include a lappy ah, I will sure love him to the max. Haha. Not as in see his money then love him, feelings will develop one. But actually also depends la. Depends on whether feelings will develop in the first place anot. Haha. I think I would be happy enough if anyone could provide me good food for all my meals. That would be more then enough! Well, can't ask for much tho. I'm only seventeen. How old boyf can I find who would love me genuinely. Surely those older guys would find a companion more then a xiao mei mei. Even if they want a xiao mei mei, they would also want satisfy themselves. Also not for real. Life is so hard.

But lucky, I found YOU! *I think only sis and my dear alice know what I'm talking about.

I guess everything is really over. Sometimes, it doesn't help but just to think about it over and over again. I never had the thought of letting go and move ahead. But it have come so far now, I can't believe yet to let it go and move ahead in my life. Why does life often have to be in this way? I really need some guidance and advice to let me understand the true meaning of everything. By saying letting go is easy. But when you are going to do it, is it as simple as it was said?

Been reading fourm and I guess I have catch something about it.

I can't sleep this few days. I think I suffering from insomnia. I hate it. I hate how life is now. But thanks to T for being there for me. I never thought of letting you go in my life. But to think of it, I'm just seventeen. How long could we last like that quarrelling? After we broke up, I could see that you are much happier then being with me. Is it so painful to be with me? I really don't know. To think back of all the things that I had done for you. Baking, surprises, painting. This is my FIRST time doing all this for my boyf. Yes, the first time. I don't usually put so much love into my relationships. But you are the first to make me do so. But things have come so far. I don't want life to be the same like it used to be months ago. Everyday I have to sit at a corner crying when nobody knows. I hate how life at that point of time. But life now isn't any easier. You won't be reading this anymore. I hope your life would be good ahead. SIGH!

I will move on. But..

2009-11-17T00:21:00.002+08:00

Went out with Iman a few days back at night. Suppose to watch 2012 but all movie tickets are sold out! So.. Went to slack near Alisah house. Went over to Alisah house to talk to her and blah.

I have absolutely no mood to blog anything recently. I'm fucking bored cause I'm not working cause it's fucking boring.

I hate life as it is now.

2009-11-13T22:16:00.005+08:00

So freaking tired and so don't feel like sleeping. I had cuts on my limbs. Which kind of didn't affect me at all even tho it's my body. Sigh sigh sigh. Can you see me sighing?

So anyway, I did not had plans today. Alice sms me in the morning asking me to go out. So I was thinking where to go and what to do. So I suggest to go cycling. And we went. Went to pasir ris to find Alice boyf and then meet Lyza. Went to ehub to meet Lyza boyf and went to subway. Both their boyf went somewhere else. So left us, girls. I feel left out cause like they all have their boyf with them and I'm like... Alone. Lyza boyf wanna go on triple dates on Monday. But sadly.. I had just.. broke up.. So I don't know whether they are still going anot. If they are going probably I will ask a friend along.. Probably I will ask Imanie. Will see how about it.. SIGH!

So anyway, after subway cycled to whitesands. Started to drizzle. Then pouring rain. Both me and Lyza wanna buy handphone stripe which can hang around the neck. But I want plain one. I don't want those colourfuls one. Look super ugly. Any suggestions? While I was walking into white sands, someone tap me from behind. I thought it's Alice. Then I turn and I go "EH EH EH!!!!" Super loud. And guess who? It's Iman. I was shocked to see him la. Super shock. Then like we chat chat a lil and he gave me a hug. Thanks IMANIE! Haha.

After that went to slack outside white sands. Then I went to find Iman since he was nearby. Alice boyf came and he got angry. Alice boyf cycle away and so does Alice. After half and hour or so, Alice ask us to find her at Loyang point. Iman gave me another hug. Thanks alot alot alot. After which, slack at MAC and cycled home. Super super cold. Been cycling under the rain. I don't think I will get sick . Just pray hard.

I don't know. I just can't.. I just can't... I just can't seems to be strong. It seems to be a huge turmoil for me. I don't know how to handle it.

I don't know what to do tomorrow.

This is what Iman gave me today. He drew this for me me me. (:

2009-11-13T12:41:00.002+08:00

I broke up with my boyf. Going cycling later.

I feel sad.

I feel weird.

I feel like I have gone mentally crazy.

Help me.

2009-11-08T12:49:00.004+08:00

My desktop have no sound for like 4 days or so already. Super annoyed. Cause I can't hear anything! I want sound card but I doesn't have it. I use portable speakers and it doesn't work. What on earth does this stupid desktop want from me? Bitch.

Super super annoyed. I don't know why on earth are you treating me like that. Super pissed, super annoyed, super irritated, super felt like we have distant apart. Oh FUCK.

This cute BFF of mine go pierce his lips by his own. I bet it's muthafucking pain. I will never do that ;x But BFF, please take care of your piercing okay? Or else it might have infections!! Okay okay?

Went town yesterday and going out today. Probably not town? I'm not sure where I'm going. But I'm not going out with my boyf. Going out with friend instead. He ain't feeling well this few days and I don't know what's wrong with him. He treats me so differently. Felt that we have really distant apart. Felt that he is so unfimilar to me. Blog again. ciaos.

2009-11-07T00:27:00.003+08:00

Isn't having a very pleasant day today even tho I should have a pleasant day today. Everything was smooth till late afternoon where everything changed. I really don't understand why history always repeats itself for me and it just seems like it had gone worst then what I had expected. I'm super exhausted now. However, I still need to get myself on my feets to face all the situation that I had. O level is gone now. I have one less pressure pressing against me. But I still have lots and lots of pressure within me. I need someone to talk to, someone who will understands how I feel, someone who would let me vent my anger on, someone who would comfort me and show me the direction where I should walk, where I should heed to.

I don't know whether you will read this or not..

The problem between my boyf and me never seems to get resolved. Quarrels after quarrels over the same thing. Yes, I am the one making a big fuss out of it. If I wouldn't care, I would not do that. If I really doesn't care, I would not even want to take this thing to show attitude towards you. I want you to know where you are wrong at. I want you to know that words should not be taken for granted. I want you to know that promises are not meant to be broken. I want you to know that by saying sorry is useless. I want you to know that do action to show that you are sorry and that you would not do that again. I want you to know that I care for you so much that I am breaking down emotionally and mentally.

I really hate the way you treat me. The way you talked to me. I really hate it. But I still bear with it because it's you. I can't change you and I doesn't want to change you. But I really hate the way you talk to me. It always bring tears to my eyes which I doesn't want to show. I just want you to know. But when I tell you, you just said that this is how the way you talk. I should have know that this is how the way you talked. I doesn't like it but what to do? I have to accept it and silently let my tears dry up at one corner. I don't know how to communicate with you properly. When I showed a lil attitude, you would show me even greater attitude. I know it's my fault for showing attitude in the first place, but I want you to know that why I showed you attitude in the first place. What had happened that I showed you attitude. However, it just seems like I have to tell you everything then you would know.

Does compromising salvage anything?

I'm having headaches plus my leg is swollen for I don't know what reason and I feel super mentally corrupted. Help me, anyone.

I LOVEEE MY BUN!

2009-11-05T22:30:00.006+08:00

I love uploading huge quality photos! Don't ask me why. I just love things to be big! And I want my pictures to be big so can see properly! So anyways, I have Biology paper tomorrow and I still went out. Power right? I'm going to burn midnight oil today to study my biology for tomorrow! Hope the paper would be straight forward. So I don't have to crack my brain too much. And I hope that I would not keeps falling asleep. I'm super afraid. As I'm feeling super sleepy now, I still have to burn midnight oil. On top of that, I'm having my menses! So it's like I'm double tired. Any suggestions to boost my mentality? Red bull doesn't help, at all ):

So I spend my night yesterday painting. Painting for my boyf. I paint his face on a plain tee shirt which cost me $10 okay. The outcome of the back of the tee shirt isn't that nice. I'm super not satisfied. I'm sorry! He doesn't like the back also. My heart is breaking already! ): So anyway, I slept at around 230 yesterday and woke up at 1030 today. Watched vv drama on channel 55. The show is so addicting. I went to get myself prepared to go to my boyf house. I was prepared at 1pm. I went to the living room and sit down and watch vv drama again. After which I took cab to his house. Cost me like 8 bucks. Heart pain. Reached his house. He was sleeping so I took the opportunity to study for my biology! After which he was awake and he went to bath blah blah. I went to hougang mall to get a new pair of heels and I love it. Cause it's super comfortable!

Went Bugis after that. Shop for clothes for my boyf. Cause I want to do a make over for him. We shop shop there then went pastamania to eat. After which went home cause he have to go to work. He won't be working tomorrow. So going to spend a lil longer time with him. I wanna reach home like 11 plus tomorrow! My boyf super blur! But he always bully me ):

Biology paper tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Look super big can. Cause I'm wearing two shirts!

Woke up in the morning and get prepared to go his house.

My outfit for today with high heels!

Look at his face. Like wanna die can :(

2009-11-05T01:02:00.002+08:00

I did not update my blog for a long time and I guess nobody is reading my blog already! Please come back readers, so that my tagboard would be alive again. It just seems super dead. Come back alright. I'm going to blog often already since I'm left with 2 papers for 'O' levels. O levels are going to finish just in a blink of an eye. Super fast can, 2 weeks going to be gone soon! Going to relax and work to earn money to get myself a laptop. This desktop always broke down on me. Felt super irritated.

Anyway, I'm have uploaded the photos took on Friday, 9th of October. That day where the class celebrated Mr Heng and my birthday and Mr Koh belated birthday. Had a great time and thanks for everthing. Photos credits to Sarah.

And it's my boyf birthday today! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOYF.
You know that I love you. So don't have to elaborate more (:
Hope you will like the present I'm going to give you tomorrow (:

I would like to thank Iman too for helping me sooo much and visiting my blog everyday.
Love you!!!

1 year is going to end just like that. It just passed so fast that I felt as tho I'm still in June where I'm still relaxing and preparing for my prelims. Time really past very fast yet I have not really moved at all. Everyone is moving but why does I seems to stand at the same spot after years? I have not walked out of my dilemma. I chose not to face it and I chose to hide from it. But how long could I hide from it and not go and face it? Up till now, you are still giving me faces to see. What did I do to you that I deserve this? You think I feel comfortable with you always either sitting in front or behind me during the examination hall? I always have a sense of urge to kill or scold you whenever you are just like 2 metres way from me. You had made a big impact my life. Yes, you had succed in doing so.

For the past 3 years, I have realized that I had changed so much. I did right, friends?

I decided to post this photo because I just realized that my smile look super sweet in this photo! Haha!

My turn to blow my cake. I blow it for 3 times can.

My uniform look so effing big :( Makes me look fat.

Ali is the biggest pervet but a good friend!

Leslie face look so stern.

Poor Ali.

I look sooooooooo chubby. Stupid face!

So censor! I go point middle finger ;x

And last but not least, a photo of meee!

2009-10-24T00:06:00.004+08:00

Went to meet Iman on Wednesday. Had a great time with him even tho it's only 2 hour plus. Anyway, I'm late to meet him. Felt super sorry! And he didn't sleep like the night before yet he is still meeting me. sweet of him. Furthermore, he have lessons at 3pm and he was available during 11am - 3pm. That somehow explains why I meet him tho. Haha.

I have no motivation to study. FUCKING MOTIVATE ME!

Went to study with Jin Siang and Zhi Keong at airport today. Like finally someone ask me out to study! Anyway, they are later then me and they LIED to me that they are earlier then me can! So what the toot right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did study and it did involved myself to it. I somehow or some what found motivation to study.

Study, study, study.

Anyway, there you go Iman. Your photo. BE HONORED OKAY! Your picture so big!

2009-10-20T11:03:00.002+08:00

Would I be able to see the same sunset with the same feelings again?

I have been not in the right state of feelings or mood right now. Right now at such crucial period. Where my "O" levels are just next week, less then a week ahead. I still could sit down here and blog. Still have the time to be so emotionally affected. I don't know why, everything had came back to me again where I actually tried to let go a few months ago. Somehow the burden just won't burn away. It just keeps coming back and hunt me. I want to shake it away but it wasn't easy for me. I just couldn't let go. If I could let go, I actually did let go like years ago. Right now at this crucial period, I had lost my motivation to study. I just can't motivate myself to study. Even I'm studying, nothing could get into my head. It's been a week that I have been sitting on my art. It's been days I have been sitting on my other subjects, not studying at all. I know that I should not have let my emotions affect me. But somehow.. If I could don't let it affect me, I would not be like that.

Perhaps because what had happened on Friday had caused me to be like this too. Today was graduation day. But I did not attend at all. Want to know why? Because I felt that I don't have to attend it at all. Why must I attend and be FORCED to take photo with someone I doesn't like at all? Why not you put yourself in my shoes and think for me? Would you like to take photo with someone who you dislike? Someone who you have conflict with and is not resolved? I hate people to force me. I hate even more with the person who force me to do stuffs without my consent to it. That's why I make such a big hu-ha on Friday. Actually I did not want to attend but I was thinking that since it was the last day in school, why not I just go. But it just seems like it's pointless. I should not have attend it at all such that it got me so emotionally tangled up. THANKS for making me feel this way. Don't try to talk out of me of letting it go. You all doesn't know me well. She shall watch her steps.

Being so emotionally tangled up, nobody could understands how I feel. And I mean it, NOBODY!

2009-10-18T23:03:00.002+08:00

I know that I have not been updating my blog! As I'm busying studying outside, I hardly have the time to update even tho I still spend time with my computer, I still did not update. Cause I did not have much stuffs to update about. But I decided to blog something before nobody visit my blog at all! You people tag my blog okay. Just feels that my blog is so dead!!

Anyway, everything is fine between my boyfriend and me. We had a lot of quarrels this past few weeks. I just had a heart to heart talk with him just now when I met him. I wanna let him know how I felt. Or else we are going to quarrel again over me feeling empty and lonely!! At least now he knows how I feel, so next time when I flare he will understand how I feels! haha. (I HOPE :X)

O LEVELS IS COMING. I'M FREAKING MYSELF OUT!!!!!!

2009-10-12T18:21:00.001+08:00

Birthday wasn't fascinating.

All I could say is I got myself screwed up. Very screwed up.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes that I got.
I love you guys and you guys should know that I love you!

Let the love flow in me continuously yeah.

2009-10-10T00:41:00.005+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO

MEEEEEEE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

thanks for all the wishes that I got from you people. I really appreciate it a lot. even tho I'm super disappointed and hurted by the people closet to me, I'm happy to see all your wishes. cause the makes me part of me. that fill me with love. Thanks for all the love ya!

and thanks for today. Thanks for the cake and surprise :D I love you all yeah.

Special thanks to my dear lovers. thanks for spending time having lunch with me and thanks angela for making stupid jokes :D *complaint that supervisor!

2009-10-08T22:31:00.010+08:00

MY BIRTHDAY IN 2 DAYS TIME!

super duper excited.

2009-10-07T00:18:00.002+08:00

My birthday is reaching in 3 days time. I'm feeling so excited of what I'm going to get this year. I don't know what I'm going to get. So I'm freaking excited. The reason why I blog now is because I wanna give my lovely friends out there some tips on what to buy for my birthday as a birthday present.

Alright. So friends, it's a headache thinking of what to buy for me as my birthday present right right right? And furthermore, O level is round the corner. Where got time for shopping? No worries, you can give me my present after O level. I'm fine with it but don't forget about it uh! Or else I will hunt you down everyday and pester you about my present. Okay, I sounds super desperate for a present. And definitely I am because I love presents!!

Okay, let me get to the point now. What present to buy for me? Been wondering right. Well, I don't expect anyone to buy something super expensive for me. That's for sure. Even a yellow rose could brighten my day up! But when it wilted and die, it definitely would not make my day okay.

So tip number 1 : Buy something that I'm going to use or I'm in need of using.
*Don't buy stuffs which I don't need to use at all. Cause at the end of the day, It's still going to be on my table full of dust.

Tip number 2 : Do not buy something that would cost you a bomb.
*I don't wish to and I don't hope for.

Tip number 3 : Give me a big surprise and I will let you off with the present!
*Sounds so.............. mmmm...

So yeah! Rather lame right I know. So here are the tips!

MY BIRTHDAY IS REACHING IN 3 DAYS TIME.
MY BIRTHDAY IS REACHING IN 3 DAYS TIME.

2009-10-04T00:14:00.002+08:00

I slept at a ridiculous time of 4AM plus last night and woke up at around 12noon this morning. Verena messaged me and I did not reply her as I'm still asleep! She called me and I met her at 130 to study. We walked to tampines mart to study. The MAC there. Went there to have my lunch too! I have not had anything since yesterday till like just now in the afternoon. Kind of like my first meal in two days! Haha.

Studied with her till 4 plus as she needs to go to her temple. But she accompany me to Tampines inter first to meet Iman, then I accompany her to the Bus stop to take her bus to her temple place. Thanks darling for accompanying me yeah! Much love goes to you! So anyway, yeah. Met Iman and slack with him. I did not meet him like so long already! Miss him life madddd! I still remember there was once where I'm suppose to meet him in the morning... And when he was already at the inter waiting for me I'm still sleeping at home! But thank God, he came to my house here and wait for me to get ready! Nice right :DDDD Thanks uh!

So we had nothing to do. We went to watch movie! Watch the meatball show. It was a fantastic show! Must watch. Rate it 4/5. Yeah, had a great time laughing there. After the movie it was already like 8.30pm. So he suggest we walk to my house there. So we walked from tampines mall till my house. The weather was cooling too, so yeah why not walk! This reminds me of last time when we walk too! Remember, Iman you being the pervert! Haha. So we sit under a void deck and chit chat. Kind of heart warming! Must meet up more often uh!

I don't know whether I wanna meet that person tomorrow. Don't feel like ;x
& it has been 4 days since we met. Aiya, whatever.

2009-10-02T15:33:00.002+08:00

It just take a photo to explain certain things. I love flowers. Cause they always give me a smoothing feeling which make me calm down. (So you know when I'm angry what you are suppose to give me to calm me down!) Flowers often make someone happy. It's true isn't it.

You all surely wanna know what happened between me and him right.

We broke off last night. I suggested and he agreed. I hung up his call and after like minutes I started to regret that why I fucking wanna broke off with him. I don't deny that I actually already give up on him but I still fucking have those remorse feeling after the break up. Oh fuck, what's wrong with me? So anyway, yes. I practically cried the whole night. Cried over that this relationship is over and I fucking could not bear to let it go somehow even tho I have give up. It's just that kind of feeling like I have give up on you but I fucking can't get go that kind of thing. Get it? I doubt most of you get what I'm trying to say. So anyway yes. I cry and cry and cry hoping that he will message me and say he regretted breaking with me! How stupid I can be. Leslie messaged me in the middle of the night saying that he had food poisoning and that he could not come to school today. My physic paper was with him and if I go school today without my physic paper, I'm going to die. So I decide not to go to school.

Had sleepless night yesterday night despite all the tears flowing down my eyes making my eyes super sore. Yes, my eyes look super horrible now! So I lay down on my bed till around 11am this morning and started to walk around in my room. I quarrel with my mother yesterday. So I did not want to talk to her at all and up till now, it's already 3:41PM and I have not consume anything at all. Not even drinking water. I think I will die from dehydration. So back to 11am. I asked him to call me to let him know that how the fuck I feel and let him know all the "fucking" things that I have done for him that I should not have deserve this kind of treating from him. He said he owe me too much. So? It does not cure the hurt that was in me.

So after an hour or so of talking. Came to a conclusion of patching and he will change. (Let's see about it) Since I have given up on him, he should get back what he want himself. I'm not going to let myself get hurt again. Don't blame me for being too over protective of myself. Somehow I can't open up to you anymore ; maybe just the time being. I'm not going to initiate to meet anymore. It's up to you whether you want to come find me or not and fucking don't ask me whether you can come and find me. Cause my answer will be a fucking NO!

Thank you for reading.

2009-10-01T21:48:00.001+08:00

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

2009-10-01T14:55:00.002+08:00

I have not been blogging this few days. Is there anyone who are actually looking forward to me blogging? Perhaps you could make my day up!!

So well... This few days wasn't that good. I predicted that this week would be pessimistic and it was really true. Was crying last night till my eyes are super tired and painful. Furthermore, I went to drink. It makes me feel even more awful. Want to know what happened? Continue to read on!

For the past 2 months, I won't deny that I did a lot for him. I would not deny that fact that I love him. If I were not to love you, I would not do all this. Fact is, I did not disappoint you at all. You could not even tell me which matter I did that actually disappoint you. Because whenever I do something or whatever I want to say to you, I would always think whether it will hurt you or not and then go ahead with doing what I think is right and best for you. But sadly, fact is that you did not treat me the way I think I should deserve. You make me feel like I'm just a person without feelings. Whatever you said or whatever you do, you did not think for me first. You treat it as tho I'm just a toy. A toy which have no feelings towards anything. And have no heart to feel anything. So whatever you throw to me I would not do anything because you know that I will eventually forgive you. Mistakes after mistakes, chances after chances, you still did not learn what is wrong with you, yourself. Up till the day when you are going to lose me, then you came telling me to give you one more chance to prove to me. You remind me of my ex boyfriend. Who are same like you. Just that the matter is different. Chances after chances are given. What else more? At the end of the day, you would ask for even more chances. I feel as tho I had enough of everything. I really gave up on you. But you constantly wants me to give you time to prove to me.. I told myself. If it still fail how? Won't I be even more hurt?

When you started to know the feeling of losing, that's where you started to know the importance of every chances that were given. I will treat you very coldly from now on and I mean it. You can see my messages to you. And I doubt I'm going to talk to you over the phone. There is nothing for us to talk anymore.

ciaos.

2009-09-27T01:47:00.003+08:00

Went for steamboat for his friend birthday celebration. Didn't wanted to attend but I compromised and went. Had a great time there tho. Cakes flies here and there but lucky it did not hit me. Let the photos do the talking! (: So lazy to type cause it's like already 2Am!

And I know that my brother is reading my blog. You can read but please!

And our first attempt to MUACK MUACK and we succeed leh LYZA :D

THANKS MASTER!!

2009-09-24T17:35:00.002+08:00

Second post of the day.

Never thought that things will go way beyond control. Indeed that we are far apart again. We quarreled again. Feeling so dishearten, I asked for a break up again. It just seems like what had happened in my past relationship is happening again. I tried my best to prevent such problem to occur. But it just seems like its inevitable. No matter how hard I tried, I always failed. And after what had happened, I'm all to be blamed by. To think of it, I'm going to burst. How much longer can I hold on? Sometimes I felt that I would rather commit suicide and run away from everything rather then staying, facing and swallowing everything inside.

Lyza came my house just now to do this cake. She asked me whether I'm doing for you. My reply was "I don't know". But somehow, I still did it for you. Hoping that I could meet you somewhere tonight where I could pass it to you or something. But it just seems like I don't have to now. My heart sank all the way. You would not come either, anymore I guess. To the limit of the limited. I can't hold back my tears. I don't know why. Perhaps I should give this to someone else who are feeling sad now. Who need some comfort. Perhaps this could brighten up his/her day. Perhaps..

I don't think I would be able to hold on any longer..

2009-09-24T12:40:00.002+08:00

Do you want me to blog more often with photos or just boring post(s) with just plain paragraphing of words? I bet you all want post(s) with photos right right right?

Haven been doing so well this few days. I got stress from every corner of my life. I'm stressed with my studies. I don't know how my prelim results would be like. I didn't really study for prelim cause I just couldn't find a buddy to constantly study with me. I just can't get myself to study at home. Because of the distractions that I'm facing. "O" level is coming less then a month time. I don't know whether I would be able to cope. Perhaps, maybe, not?

Disheartening! Just got to know that I got 58 for my overall maths results! Super disheartening.

My parents are always not understanding. They will never understand what I am going through. I mean like ya, they ate more salt then I do. They have gone through half of their life and definitely had gone through what they are suppose to. But there is a generation gap. They doesn't know what I want and it always end up quarreling. I doesn't wanna quarrel with my parents but they always give me stress that is so unwanted. They doesn't understand how stress I am. And yet they are giving me even more stress without them knowing. I felt as tho I'm so left out in this family. They put most of their concern to my brother. I know that he is smart and stuffs. So they dote him more then I do. But whatever. The pressure is already there. For all these years, I have been tolerating. Pushing it all into myself. And slowly, it stacked up. Getting higher and higher. Which cause a huge burden inside me. But who could understand? Who could give me comfort and let all this burden go?

I always got to put on a mask to face everyone. I don't wanna anyone to know what's happening to me because nobody could help me.. except myself.

But I want everyone to know that if you do have any problem or need someone to talk to, you are free to call me. I will always be there for you if you need someone to talk to or accompany you. Cause I understand how you felt.

ciaos. meeting Lyza later. update again.

2009-09-20T00:05:00.003+08:00

I had confessions with my boyfriend yesterday. And we dig out things that happened 2 months ago and talk about it. He confessed it, not me! But I was pretty shock with the outcome of both of us. When we are together in the first place, I did not expect that we would come till this far and loving each other as tho we are going to die tomorrow.

People said that the first few months of the relationship would be sweet and loving. But for us, we quarreled not long after our first month. And our quarrel is continuous. I still remember, in a week we quarreled twice and I cold war him for like 2-3 days. After which then I contacted him. I'm not on the purpose to "cold war" him. Just that what we quarreled about actually hurt me a lot. Cause I felt that what had happen happened before. And it had cause a scar in my heart which will take a long time to heal. Actually when we are quarreling, I somehow felt like not to "cold war" with him. But I just can't help. I just want to be calm and be alone. But I can't help to keep my phone by my side and wait for your call or message. I look forward to every message or call you going to make even tho I'm not going to reply. I can't help. Even tho when I said I don't wish to see you again or don't wish to see your calls or message again, I lied. I look forward to your messages and your calls. But you always don't do that. Cause I'm angry and you are afraid that you would make me even more angry when you call or message me. Fact is I'm more angry when you didn't call or message me.

Our relationship definitely have took the test. But I like your persistence. I remembered that when we quarreled, I been wanting to break all the time. I did not mean it but because of I'm too hurt. That's why. But I love you dearly. You know that, don't you :D

You are the first person who makes me feel this way.
You are the first person who make me wanna give more then wanting to take.

2009-09-19T12:54:00.006+08:00

I spend my whole day yesterday with my boyfriend. Went to orchard and window shop cause have no money! Haha! Who want to sponsor me money to go shopping? Haha. So ya. I went to centrepoint to visit those aunties. There's a huge change there uh! A lot of things changed. But I doesn't wanna care. Too much things happen there. Whenever I go there, I will thought of that bitch. Suffering man!

Anyway, I intend to wear blue dress out but in the end I chose Grey! Haha. We walked till our legs ache but we still continue to walk! I wanted to buy heels but I did not. Cause I don't have the urge to buy. I don't know why seriously. Enjoy the photos!

Tag me people!! And that f-ing guy. He deserve what he should get. ciaos.

2009-09-16T22:04:00.002+08:00

Isn't it madness! I'm having mathematics paper 2 and biology paper tomorrow but yet I still could blog about what had happened today. I did not attend school today. Which means I did not went for my art prelim paper. I told my mama that I did not do anything. If I were to go I would be wasting my time there. So mama said its up to me. I'm soooooooo freaking happy when mama said that. Cause usually she would like you know nag and shout at me. But surprisingly this time she did not! :D

So I talked with my boyfriend the whole night till 6am yesterday. I could not sleep and can't get myself to sleep. I woke up at 10am knowing that I only slept for 4 hours and surprisingly, I don't even feel tired or restless at all! So anyway, I watched television till about 12 and then went to have my bath. Aunt and Granny came my house and went to tampines mall to have lunch with them. Ate at crystal jade. Fried beef hor fun was awesome but it's too oily! After which went to Tampines 1 to walk and my aunt bought me a shirt :D Went to cold storage to walk and then home. After that to bedok for dinner. I did not have my dinner cause I have no appetite.

I have a dirty lil secret with kaikai. SHHHHHH! Don't expose it out uh kaikai :DDD

2009-09-14T23:32:00.004+08:00

I'm fucking pissed off now. But I still have to blog. So put aside my anger first. Blog about something enlighten rather than something awful!

I got pimple on my lips! It's damn painful!

*Note : It's not that I kiss or LC too much okay. WTF!

Look at the big mac! It's really very big! Lyza could not even eat it at one go.

Spend my afternoon with Lyza. I joked around and make her laugh like mad. I even embarrassed myself in front of a lot of people can! I fake to cry and cried quite loud till everyone around me is looking at me! Damn freaking paiseh but then I don't know why I can don't even care. It's like the first time!

Went to cold storage with Lyza to see her icing. Then happen to saw Cheryl, Wyelin and Angela. Before we actually saw them, I was talking about Cheryl! And ta-dah. She appeared in front of me. We went to carls jr, sit down and chit chat. After that I send Lyza to the interchange and then I went to meet my parents. See, I treat you so nice lor! Haha! So can I go your area tomorrow? LOL!!!

You said that it wasn't you the one who write it. But your name is there. How else can you deny it?

2009-09-13T20:35:00.002+08:00

Let me be your guardian angel. I love you!

2009-09-13T12:13:00.007+08:00

I'm super afraid for prelims! I have been studying but have not be absorbing! I don't know why seriously! There should not have been a September holiday! I mean ya, its time to study but holidays! There is not school to push us to study. Ah fuck. How to absorb?

Furthermore, I have not done anything for my art for prelims. Guess I'm not going to do anything about it? I don't know what I have been doing.

Have been cam whoring a lot this few days. Been kind of mad. But I love to web-cam.

A piece of mind to you, Jackson Yeo Jing Xian.

Please grow up. Up till now, it has been 2 months already. You have not woke up! You have not yet to realize why I left you. Up till now, you are still trying to ruin my reputation. Am I wrong to ask money from you when you owe me money? What else can I have more to talk to you about? Asking you how are you or how have you been? I don't want to have the misconception that I still have feelings for you. So now I'm all in the wrong for not asking whether how are you and I'm in the wrong for asking my money back. I'm broke now. Definitely I need the money. Furthermore, you lied to me. You said your father opened a company and you worked there. When we just broke off not long ago, you said that by the end of the month you will pay me back. And then when recently I messaged you, you tell me that you are studying and not working. So you have fucking no money to pay. And you told me that if I would like I could take your life. But when I went to D&C to get a pair of new shoes at compass point, I fucking saw you working there! Ya right, so your father opened a company. And the company is D&C? Why are you lying to me? Seriously, fuck you! And why must you lie to me that you are studying? Come on! Go ahead to those club or pub and fuck those prostitute. Isn't your hobby is going to the club? You could help yourself with the girls there if your cock is itchy! And you wrote on your facebook in criticism of me! FUCK YOU! You should jolly well know how things work for me. I can treat you very good if I want to. It depends on whether I WANT OR NOT. And it depends on whether you treat me nice or not! Fuck you. I talk to you nicely, you don't want to listen. When I start to be harsh, you said that I have changed. And your fucking friend who agreed with you with your fucking wall post, come on. Who is she to judge me? And fuck you. Who are you to judge me? Come on. The previous incident of your friend criticizing me on your facebook wall, you said that you will ask your friend to call and say sorry to me. But did he? HE DID NOT! You are a fucking man. Yet you don't take account to your words. What kind of man are you? Coward? Or you thought that I would not bother. I mind a lot. But my dear boyfriend talk some sense in me. So I just forget it. But you still did not realize why the fuck I left you. Fuck you. I know all along you assume that it is my fault. Ya, my fucking fault. Everything is my fucking fault. I have done nothing to you. If I were not to appreciate you, I would not tolerate you for a year. If I were not to appreciate you, I would not help you in your stuffs.

I still remember that time where I help you to find job. Fuck you. You throw my face away in front of my friend. Do you know how embarrassed I am? Furthermore, I still stick with you despite my friend keeps criticizing you! All that I have done seems NOTHING to you. Ya, go ahead and tell your friends what I have done to you. Because you never realize where is your mistake. You only know how to put the blame on others. Ya, you are fucking not in the wrong. Because you fucking pushed all the fucking blame to me. Fuck you.

...

2009-09-11T22:15:00.005+08:00

Study with Lyza in the afternoon.

Spent time with my dear boyfriend in the evening.

I LOVE YOU, BOYFRIEND!
We wore the moo moo shirt todayyy!

2009-09-10T23:04:00.003+08:00

Today was a great great day! My boyfriend have been very obedient this few days. So I wanted reward my boyfriend for being so obedient. So I have been thinking and thinking.... thinking of what to reward my boyfriend.. So I think and think and I called up Lyza and planned with her! Alisah got into the plan tooo!

We planned to surprised my boyfriend!!!!!

&& we did it as plan :D

Met Lyza first to settle the stuffs :DDDD

While waiting for Alisah at white sands MacDonald.

And its at night already........ Alisah and me do the set up and Lyza bring the guys :D

I LOVE YOU GIRLS. I LOVE YOU BOYFRIEND.

I LOVE MY BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE SPARKLES IN LIFE!

2009-09-06T23:31:00.004+08:00

SATURDAY

Met up with Rong Jian & kaikai at Hougang bus stop and we took bus 25 to Ang mo kio. So that I won't take bus 22 which took like 1 hour plus plus to reach amk from tampines! Went to have pepper lunch. Had my favorite salmon again. But then not so nice. The taste was just not there. Rj and kk friend came. She's violet and she's nice.

Went to KBOX at broadway and sang from 2 all the way till 7. Took a bus to hougang as they wanted to go to Rj's house to watch anime. I went to find my boyfriend instead cause I don't like to watch anime!! After so, I cabbed home. And now I'm broke. My bank have no more $$ already!! I'm so looking forward to November where my O level is done and where I work which I have $$! I intend to buy a laptop! Money, I will run after you lor!

SUNDAY

Spend half a day at home. Went out at around 3 plus, fetch my granny then to suntec. Bought DVD from carefour and then head to Bugis for dinner. Anyway, I'm going to upgrade myself from prepaid to line user. Cause I want the free unlimited sms and the free incoming call! Use prepaid very xiong uh! Can't afford further. But then I cannot explode my bill, or else my parents surely gone case. I bought two shorts and my brother bought adidas bag.

Adidas bags are really attractive and addictive! My heart itchy when I saw that GOLD sling bag with blink blink on it. I want to get it lor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ciaos. Holidays but still going to study. I have not been studying for this few days!!!

A gift from him for 2nd month.

BRING JOY.

2009-09-04T23:38:00.004+08:00

It's my 2nd month with my boyfriend today. Surprised right?
Like so fast.... So anyway he bought something for me and I bought back something for him.

Spend time at Jurong point and then home.

Out with kaikai and Rong Jian tomorrow. KBOX!

Shall update more tomorrow !!!

where are you now....

2009-09-03T18:20:00.002+08:00

I don't know why. I hopped blogs after blogs and found out that I feel so empty...

Felt that my life seems meaningless.

REMINISCENCE!

2009-09-03T15:21:00.003+08:00

I have not studied for my social studies and my prelims for social studies is tomorrow. Suddenly, I felt that all the motivation I got to study was lost. Perhaps cause of what happened few days ago. Felt that everything is gone. I have no motivation to carry on studying. I have not found the purpose what I am studying for. It seems like it's useless to study cause what am I really studying for?

I went to century square to collect my mother's phone just now and thanks Fiona for accompanying me! While waiting for bus 29 home, I happen to saw my primary school friend. I bet she had forgotten about me completely even tho my face did not change at all since primary school... What shocked me the most was that she was wearing the ite shirt. I was surprised because she was an express student in her secondary school life. When I saw her in that shirt, a kind of fear came into me. I fear that I would go to ite. I know that Ite is not that bad now. But my goal in life was to be in a polytechnic not in ite and was because I did not want to disappoint my parents too. Furthermore, I felt like a loser in the family. My mother side was full of scholars but I'm not classified as one of them. It was very depressing knowing that. Everyone would ask whether I'm going JC or not. Or rather whether how many A's I'm getting. Or rather they would not even bother about me. All they care about was my brother. Because he was from JC and his results get him into NTU. Depressing isn't it.

Life is always like that. It doesn't happen the way you want it to be. After so many years, I still got back the same remarks from the same people. Felt as tho they looked down at me. The feeling isn't nice. It isn't!

How could I let go of all those things inside of me? I tried many ways but it does not help at all. I'm tired.. Exhausted from everything that was happening and it is still happening. Can someone light up my path and bring me to the point where I felt anew again?

Remember my 16th birthday? I rather not remember because it's disappointing.

2009-08-31T22:44:00.005+08:00

Would like to ask a question before I start my post :

AM I FIERCE IN PERSON?

Please kindly response this question in my tagboard. :D

..

Went out with haohao on Saturday. Went to study. Had a great time study there :DDD

Went sentosa with some one today and watch the sunset. Not my boyfriend.

I sprain my ankle and had a hard time but I spent my whole day walking today. I'm not sure whether my leg can take it or not.

A lot of things happened this few days between me and my boyfriend. Shall not disclose it here. but everything was fine now. I hope there would have no more quarrels. You know that you are suffering.

Prelims coming. Not prepared yet :(

Help me find my source of motivation please!

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ALICE!

2009-08-28T22:02:00.002+08:00

Met Lyza at the bus stop near Alisah house as we are planning to surprise her! Lyza actually forgot where Alice stay and I could only remember according to my memory. But in the end, we still made it there. Cause I remember how to walk there. I have good memory at such stuffs. Once I go that place for once, I know how to go already! Haha.

So we reached her house and we took out the cake outside without her knowing it. After that we was like waiting for her to open the door. She took a super long time.................. So finally she opened and she was shocked and definitely surprised! Yay. Our planned work! Went downstair to meet up with her boyfriend and then back to her house to cut and eat the cake. The cake is fabulous! I had not tried such a good cake before. It's really well made. Well spent money!

Also, Lyza and me put chocolate "mask" for her. And I can surely assure you that I'm going to be filled with cakes on my birthday. Definitely they will take the cake and put on my face!!!!! I'm going MIA days before my birthday to prevent such thing from happening... HOHO!

&& lastly, photos of myself!

DAILY UPDATES!

2009-08-27T22:09:00.000+08:00

My hairstyle for today. Daily updates would be made often. I don't know why I'm so into blogging nowadays.

ciaos.

MOOD-LESS!

2009-08-26T23:01:00.002+08:00

I tied this hairstyle today to school. But then I changed to tie the normal hairstyle I use to tie. Cause I find it rather weird!

So anyway, school today was alright. Did not sleep in school at all! Amazing isn't it. I only slept like 5 hours the night before. So anyway, I doesn't have the mood to study when right now it is going to the prelims already. Next week prelim and after next week was a week of September holiday. After which is prelims again and about two weeks later is "O" Level already. Kind of like don't know what to do on my birthday. Seems like nobody would bother about my birthday! haha.

Alrights. Shall go off now. ciaos!

FINE & THAT SHALL BE IT.

2009-08-24T18:43:00.000+08:00

I can't help with my emotions. I can't seems to stop thinking.
What done was done, you can't amend it or turn the clock back. I just can't believe I stayed up the whole night just waiting.

I shall stop my vulgarities and that shall be it.
I would not show my emotions in school neither would I throw temper at anyone. *unless you offended me....

So yeah. Happy and this shall be it!

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMMY!

ciaos.

OFFICIALLY NOT!

2009-08-23T23:13:00.000+08:00

When I started to ignore you, it's the sign of me giving up.

FOOOOOOOOK YOU!

2009-08-22T23:43:00.002+08:00

ATTENTION : This post is going to be full of vulgarities. If you have a weak heart and could not take it, please stop reading and exit this page right now! RIGHT NOW I MEAN!

I felt super super super paranoid. It's kind of to the extreme! The fucking pressure that I faced! Be it from relationship, friendship and even family! FUCK LA!

FRIENDSHIP : That fucking girl. That fucking bitch. What is the fuck wrong with you? If you are unhappy with me, please come and confront me right in my face. You don't have to curse and swear behind my back or say shit stuffs behind my back. Fuck you. Do you know why I want to criticize and even disturb you? Cause you, your fucking eyes just can't stop giving me a whatever look. Fuck you. After since you back-stab me, did I even give you a fuck face to see? Even up to today, you still continued to give me that fucking face to see. You are pushing me to the corner isn't you. So don't blame me for being rude or unkind to you. Your voice is so irritating. Who likes you? You may think that they love you but in face they doesn't! They find that you are an irritating bitch. Fuck you. Look at yourself. I think that you are trying to grab attention from people. Hence, that's why you are shouting here and there so loudly. As if you have to shout to talk! Fuck! And when Mr Koh said a super cold joke, you laugh till as if it's God damn funny. Stop it can? The more I see the more I felt paranoid.

And your fucking best friend. So now she is your best friend. Your grand daughter. Fuck. What's the problem with you? What does a person who went in to IMH got to do with you? Must you fucking big mouth and go spread around to people? MUST YOU? Fuck. Do you know how that person felt? What if it were you and I am the one spreading that you are in IMH before? What will be your reaction? I bet that you will cry! You will be emotionally agitated and your will suffer a mental breakdown. FUCK YOU. You have hurt him deep down inside. How could you!! I love you, my friend.

FAMILY : My family isn't as good as kaikai's one. They are unreasonable and stuffs. I still remember that day where I left my house because my parents is giving me pressure and doesn't understand what I need. They will always nag at me everyday and not giving me peace at all. Even after a long day at school, they would nag at me over and over again. Saying that I'm not studying and my results are very bad. I even remembered, when I was young, my parents often say that I'm stupid and they always claim it! I mean my grades during my primary school years and secondary school years are bad. Know why? Cause I did not work hard and study for it. I mean like if you have a parent who say that you are stupid everyday, will you feel motivated to study harder to get a better grade? Or just ask your parents to FUCK off from your face? Perhaps you might get agitated and be motivated to study harder. But different people have different kinds of motivation. If you want to motivate me, don't motivate me this way. Cause it doesn't help and it might get worse. I will just say FUCK OFF. Trust me, I will.

STUDIES : I was not motivated to study at all. I felt like why must I study and who am I studying for. But definitely I'm going to study hard and get good grades for my "O" level. No one can't change this mindset for now. Cause to me, this is my last year in this FUCKING school and I'm going to get at least few A or B out of this FUCKING school.

RELATIONSHIP : I don't wish to mention. Can ask me personally and see whether I want to tell you or not.

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

2009-08-17T20:49:00.000+08:00

I love you.

Fuck it bitch. You are making me more and even more pissed off with your attitude. BOMB HAIR!

2009-08-14T15:34:00.003+08:00

Went to watch "Where got Ghost" at century square with Verena yesterday.
I am a busy person!

Look at my plans :

Out with Leslie, Jin Siang and Benjamin later at 6pm to catch the show "Orphan" at The Cathay.

Meeting Verena at 0830 and will be heading to the airport to study for 5 hours. After which will be meeting my friend and out to relax! After that homed at 2200 and start revision at 2230 and will end it at 0230.

2009-08-12T18:26:00.005+08:00

Felt super frustrated in school today. I'm having mood swings as my menstrual have knock on my doors again. Having overflow as usual. Which is super super irritating. I felt more irritated when I saw her face. That girl who is from class 5A1, register number 8!

So anyway, had maths tutorial after school till 3pm. Talked with Verena all the way! Did not even listen to what Mr Koh is talking! After tutorial, went to white sands with Verena cause she wanted to eat but I doesn't want to. Just accompanying her. She actually thought of eating Kopitiam or MacDonald. After which when we reach white sands, Verena wanted to eat Xin Wang, Hong Kong cafe. Then I was like, "I want the bread!!" Haha. Went in, ordered the bread and desert! Spent a total of $18 bucks there!

It's not that I wanted to act this way. I don't know why, I felt so stranger towards you.

2009-08-10T22:33:00.003+08:00

I LOVE YOU! ♥♥♥

2009-08-10T12:51:00.004+08:00

I felt so restless, so exhausted. It just like I can never finish studying. "O" Levels are coming. Prelims are coming. I need to put in more effort in studying but it just seems like I can't get my source of motivation to study. Motivating myself without a specific goal seems meaningless. It just seems like I have lost my sense of goal and direction. I don't know where I want to go. I don't know why am I doing all this now. Do it for my future? But it does not motivate me at all. It's difficult to be someone who always look on the bright side. I have lost half the battle. Because I have lost my sense of direction, my motivation to study.

I felt more like being demoralized then wanting to study. Never think that you could motivate one self by just trying to spike others with your words. Cause its isn't to any help. Instead, you could cause someone to lose their motivation of wanting to study. It just seems like nobody could help me now. I could only.... help myself.

I don't know why. I'm not happy.

2009-08-09T11:23:00.003+08:00

Delete all you like, sucker.
Add all the chio bu you like & stop pestering my friend, Lyza!
You obviously know who is she why are you acting like you doesn't? (Super pissed)

I will still be enjoying my life like never before!

Had a super great time with Lyza ♥ yesterday at the airport. Met her at 1230 and studied all the way till 6pm! And we did study ok. But sad to say I did not take photos cause my stomach is hurting me!

I went to the toilet at the airport like 5 times!?!?!

I have contracted stomach flu and it is the cause of the Filet-O-Fish I had. Lyza ate different set meals. It could not be the fries cause she had it too but did not have any stomach discomfort. Now that I'm contacted with stomach flu, for the time being I can't drink milk, no oily food, no chilli! My god, I miss Macdonald's Garlic chilli!

Going to watch fireworks at Esplanade later! Photos shall be uploaded! ♥♥♥

2009-08-07T10:03:00.004+08:00

I love bee hoon ♥

I hate MEE!

I feeling so much much better after yesterday!

Thanks to you(you should know who you are) and definitely thanks to my LOVELY SON!

Thanks for listening to what I have to complain and say about. Thanks for listening to me patiently and not even come out with a single sound. Thanks for letting me relieve myself. Thanks for being there for me. Thanks for telling me that I should have call you because only you can cheer me up! I have known you for years and definitely you know my "pattern"! Even tho this past few years, you did not ask me out at all, you still did not fail to call me up often to talk to me. Listen to what I have to say! I'm sorry that sometimes I did not answer or call you back! Cause I was doing some stuffs. You should know what I'm doing right..... Haha! So ya! Thank you for being my SON! One and only okay!!

Us, at the art tutorial yesterday. Last time spent with Ms Chua and might never saw her again! Had a great day yesterday at art tutorial as Mdm Teo didn't came! Thank you Ms Chua for guiding me through!

2009-08-05T17:52:00.003+08:00

Current music : Thank God I found you
Current mood : Demoralized, feeling super down, bursting out in tears.

For the past few years, I have been feeling like that. This burden that stuck in my heart can never seems to leave me at all. Who can understand how I felt? And give me the comfort that I have always been wanted. I never cry in front of my friends before because I would always hide in one corner and drop my tears. So that nobody would be worried or cry with me.

I never like anyone to know my results. Especially when I get an ugly F on the paper or result slip. I would be embarrassed by showing anyone. I hate it even more when I'm like that only person who get F and have to stand up. And everyone's eyes in on me. I felt very demoralized. Yes, this might me the source of my motivation to do better but it doesn't work this way for me. Motivate me in all other ways but not this way. Always when this happen, I would burst out into tears. I never like this feeling. Never. Yes, I may not do well but do you exactly know why? Not by just saying some words to agitate us and motivate us. I felt so stressed up. It just seems like I have never ending work to do. I doesn't have one subject to handle. But 6. And furthermore, art is tedious. It just seems like I can never finish doing my art. Tutorials to 6 everyday. And after when I'm home, I either have to continue or do my homework. 5 days a week and this carry on everyday. I hardly have the breath to breathe. Even tho I might be out on saturdays, I'm never happy. Never once I felt relax. Never once I feel enjoyable. The burden is still with me. I'm tired but I still have to carry on. I mean you all teachers meant well for us. You all wanted to motivate us. But have you ever thought that this kind of "motivation" might be a pressure? I did not like to attend art tutorial cause my art teacher would keeps pressuring us. I know that she meant well but it is a kind of pressure to me that keep pressing me down. Piling up within me and pushing me downwards. Can someone just uplift me?

Do you think it is a very motivating way to let 30 over people knowing that I got an F? I felt that my pride was being tore off. I have no face to face anyone else except the F people.

Thanks for making me feel this way.

Block the sun and never let me see light. When it hurts, will you understand?

2009-08-03T21:16:00.005+08:00

Attended Nigel's wedding dinner last night. Had an awesome time there!! Was supposing having a terrible stomach ache but all went well. Once when I reached the hotel ballroom, the stomach ache is gone! Amazing isn't it. Haha. Had the wedding dinner at Four season hotel and the food there is fantastic! Couples who thought of marrying can put your wedding dinner there. Definitely the food suits the hotel! I rate the food 4.5/5!

I love wedding dinner. Cause it is the time where I could dress up and be pretty! Haha. I did not upload all the photos. Want to see the photos go visit my facebook!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=110497&id=629701245&l=abc29267de

And I literally took a yellow rose back home! When I look at that rose, somehow all the worries or trouble that I have seems to be gone. I feel happy looking at it. It gave me a very sweet feeling..

So anyway, tomorrow will be having physic's test! Suppose to do supporting studies for art today! Mdm Teo let us take our supporting studies home and do BUT I chose not to do and study for my physic test instead. So that means that I'm not going for art tutorial tomorrow. If I go without anything done tomorrow, Mdm Teo is going to nag at me and I would not be happy! Save myself from the agony! Furthermore, i want to get my Ipod Touch tomorrow! Ipod touch, come to mummy!!!

2009-08-02T13:44:00.002+08:00

Went church wedding early in the morning yesterday.
Had tea ceremony at lakeside and had dinner at 9pm.

Did not take much photos cause didn't have the mood too.
Think someone would know why.
Will try to take more photos today! I think I would. Haha!

2009-07-31T23:54:00.003+08:00

I'm fat and I bought slimming pills!

Nothing can beat the magic of slimming pills.
And I did my exercise. Run till my leg muscles ache!

2009-07-28T19:07:00.003+08:00

Looks like there is no FREE NDP tickets! Hence, I can't watch NDP live this year.

Probably would be spending my time squeezing with hundred of people at the esplanade or something to get a glimpse of the fireworks! I don't know why but I just want to watch NDP live this year. But sad to say I can't. Perhaps it's too last minute. So who wants to bring me to get a glimpse of the fireworks?

School was boring as usual as only 19 people came to school today. Pathetic class.
Just admit it. A person who have not been in a relationship before understands what a relationship needs. Isn't that genius?

2009-07-27T21:15:00.003+08:00

This is my hairstyle when I go to school today.

I GOT PIMPLE!!! OXY OXY!

Anyway, who can get free NDP tickets? I WANT!

10 hours of art is killing!

2009-07-26T22:34:00.004+08:00

I woke up at 9am today. And I started doing my art at 10am till now.
It has been 10 hours and I'm still doing!

I'm so so so so tired! I hope nothing will happen tomorrow.
I hope that Mdm Teo would be understanding enough. (Which I bet she doesn't!)

Cries! Someone, anyone, Please give me a hug!

2009-07-26T00:29:00.005+08:00

Yeah! I had changed my blogskin and I'm here to blog! I'm sick of that orange blogskin. Preferred something with light colours! Let me update you guys about this few days. I abandon my blog for 5 days or so... I think so? Yeah.

So anyway, had a very boring day at school as usual. Art, art and always art. It just seems like I have no time to study for my other subjects! But I must manage my time well. Or else I would not have enough time for everything. Suppose to have art tutorial on Friday. And suppose to pass up the supporting studies by Friday. But Cheryl and I skipped the tutorial. Cause we are totally not ready with our stuffs. And we were thinking, we have not complete the supporting studies. Even if we give, we have to complete it when it was returned back to us. So we decided to pon art tutorial and chiong our art this weekend. And definitely I did not slack. I did do my art. And I'm going to complete. About a day more to Monday. I don't know what will happen on Monday. I'm super afriad that Mdm Teo will go crazy and keeps scolding me and Cheryl.

Oh God, please help me!

I went out with my friend yesterday. To celebrate his gan mother birthday. Did not take any photos. Just took the birthday cake only. Dinner was alright. Not that awesome. But I had a super super great time out yesterday.

p/s, it's still not the right time to say. When my mother know, then that's the time. But it won't be too long. Trust me and I'm sorry!

Woke up at 10am today. And I straight away do my art! But my brother pissed me off like mad. He scolded me for keeps on resetting the router cause he need to always set the password for it. But there is no internet connection! If I don't reset, I can't use the internet. So i shouted back at him. Obviously he was in a bad mood and he put his fucking anger on me. What a brother! I actually helped him to colour his girlfriend birthday card and even helped him to print his photos! And yet this is how he treat me. So he asked me for the thumb drive and I asked him for the money for the printing. And guess what? He throw the money at me! Throw it right in my face can! I'm super duper duper pissed off. So I finally decided to buy a printer of my own. So that I do not have to see his face to use the printer. Now that I have my own printer, it's so much easier for me such that I don't have to talk to him anymore and I swear I will not help him to do anything, anymore! He doesn't even sees me as his sister. So why must I see him as my brother. I doesn't like him at all! What an idiot!

Went out with my friend today. Went to sim lim to buy my printer. And I bought it for only $99. Cheap cheap cheap! So after I bought my printer, we had nothing to do at all! So I putted my printer at his house and went to had dinner. So its convenient. The printer is quite big! Had dinner at geylang. The bak kut teh there is nice. Heard of it before? Haha. I love the bak kut teh. It taste so much nicer then my mother's bak kut teh. Haha. And yes, we drink. Cause we are super bored and nothing to do. So we drink two bottle to cure our boredom. Went home at 8pm. Reached home at 10pm.

Question for you : Did you know that actually I do drink? Haha. I love Heineken. It taste so much nicer then any other beer.

2009-07-20T21:00:00.003+08:00

Just chatted with my BFF kaikai just now!
He is sooooooooooooooooo CUTE! Spam me with the cute emotions!

thanks for being there for me!

2009-07-18T00:38:00.003+08:00

Went out with Cheryl today. Had a super great time with her and I got myself a cardigan which cost me like $20. I finally got a cardigan which I wanted like long ago. And Cheryl spent $60+ at Cotton On and now she's broke. So am I! I want money, who can kindly donate money to me! Watched Harry Porter with her. The show was boring. There is a lot of talking but yet not much of action. I did not expect this tho.

Friends, please ask me out!!

2009-07-15T22:16:00.002+08:00

I got a super irritating classmate. Fuck you. Stop blowing my hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will start bringing my camera tomorrow. So can take photos so that my blog won't be so plain!

2009-07-13T22:01:00.002+08:00

虽然我对自己没有一点的把握, 别害怕我难过, 告诉我你真实的感受, 至少忐忑已告一段落

成全不是美德, 拒绝也不是一种罪过
你能给我快乐还是寂寞 ?

2009-07-12T20:16:00.005+08:00

Thanks for everyone's concern! I'm fine now. All things are settled between me and him. So everything is over. We will stay as friends. Just normal friends. I just hope that you would not vent yourself to beer or cigarette. I just hope that you would change for the better so that your future girlfriend will treasure you even more. I just hope for the better for you.

So, everything is over! And I'm glad that it is. Because there is no point continuing a relationship when it's only one sided love. It's my fault, I'm sorry.

So I went out both yesterday and today. Suppose to meet Iman at 0930 in the morning but I was late! I woke up at 0935 where he give me a call asking me where am I as he had already reached Tampines Interchange. I pick up the call and apologized to him like mad. But he was not even angry at all! So he took bus to my house here and wait for me. I took 45 mins to get prepared and met him. Went to Century Square to watch "Ice Age". The movie was rather okay.

After movie, went to meet Lyza and Alisah to study. Alisah boyfriend followed. Had Popeye as our lunch. But I was not hungry. So me and Lyza have munches. We find that the prices for popeye have increased and the quality is bad. Isn't as good as the previous popeye. So we studied from 3 till 6. Alisah and her boyfriend went to walk around the airport. So Lyza continued to study with me. Left airport at 6 plus and I went to meet my friend at Tampines mall while Lyza went home.

Watch the "The haunting of the connecticut" with my friend. The movie was so-so. Not scary! I will rate it 2/5 only! Haha. Don't watch!! Going to watch Harry Porter with Cheryl and Aisyah this Friday.

While today, went to Han River with Wyelin, Cheryl and Aisyah. Had a super great time with them!!! Love you guys.

For more photos, visit http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=106093&id=629701245&l=e1fef606d4

2009-07-10T17:51:00.002+08:00

THIS IS FOR YOU, READ IT.

First of all, am I wrong to blog that you actually beg me for a chance? I have absolute 100% rights to blog about it. This is my blog, doesn't like it then fuck off. Nobody is forcing you to read asshole. Your attitude fucking making me hate you even more. What more me trying to be your friend? I find it totally pointless. Fucker.

You said that what? When I did something wrong, you always give me a chance. But when you did something wrong, I did not give you a chance! I'm fucking angry and disappointed. When I asked you to name me what did I do wrong that you gave me a chance, you just could not say it out at all. Want to know why? It is because I fucking did not do anything that let you have the chance to forgive my mistake or even beg you to ask you to give me a chance. Fuck you!

I hate your attitude. I don't need you to care for me. I don't need it at all! You force me to walk on to this path. Initially I thought that you have come in terms with it. But I didn't expect that you are trying to make me feel guilty! You repeatedly keeps on saying that why I just can't give you a last chance AND WHATSOEVER! Why must I give you your so called last chance? So what you start to change? I don't even see any fucking change in you. I DON'T SEE IT! Stop your childish act and stop messaging me like as if you are a retard. With those stupid words which I don't understand at all.

That's the problem with you. YOU DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO LISTEN. FUCK YOU. SERIOUSLY, STOP MAKING ME FEEL GUILTY. I ALWAYS FELT VERY FUCKED UP WHEN YOU MESSAGE ME EVERYDAY. YOU ARE JUST A FRIEND TO ME. WHY MUST YOU MESSAGE ME ALL THE TIME! ONE HOUR DON'T MESSAGE ME WILL DIE ISIT?

Readers, I know that you all might say that I'm evil and cruel. But you all doesn't understand what is really happening!

CAN SOMEONE UNDERSTAND?

2009-07-08T18:13:00.003+08:00

What to talk about today? Today was rather a pleasant day. Slept throughout Mother Tongue class. Had some problems today. Which I don't know what is the reason why she was angry with me?

Starting my life fresh anew. I broke off with my boyfriends a few days ago. Hard to believe? Don't bother to ask me why. Cause I hate to repeat myself over and over again. Well, I wish best for you. It's not that why I did not chose to give you a second chance. It's just that how many chances a person deserve to take it for granted? Numerous of chances but yet nothing is done. I hate it when you keeps pestering me asking me why won't I give you the very last chance. Remember the other time I want to broke off with you too? You said that it's the last chance. Remember what you promised me teacher? The 王字 on my hand? Whenever I request for a break up, you would always ask me for the last chance. But it never ends. "Last chance is always like the first chance". That is why I had came to the decision today. Please stop saying sorry or whatever you going to say or do. Please stop making me felt irritated. Please, stop it.

"Misery is lived deep in your heart"

2009-07-02T20:30:00.002+08:00

I have been doing my art this few days. Sleeping as little as 4 hour daily. I don't know what came into me that gave me the biggest motivation to do my art. I just want to score well for my art so that my art could be one of my best subject. Managing 6 subjects may seems tough but once you planned your time, it's actually easy!

Going to burn midnight oil this weekend to complete my supporting studies! I want to do a good one. Definitely 100 times better then my N level. Now I felt super embarrass with my N level work. Kind of disgrace.

2009-07-01T20:50:00.003+08:00

Blog a lil before I watch 双子星!

School reopened for 3 days already. I was pissed off with someone. This backstabber who back stab me since last year. I was browsing through my photo album just now. And I realize that I have her photo in my photo album!! My God, It's not only one, its two! I was hesitating whether to throw it away a not. But that would be wasting my money! I could think better ways to use it. Shame her to the max.

School was alright. Just that it's kind of boring. But whatever it is, I have decided to slog myself out to give the best shot for my O Level this year. I doesn't need motivation from anyone. I have done my own thinking and came out with my own conclusions.

Sometimes people doesn't know how to motivate. And the way they motivate sucks!

And I began to hate you. I hate how bias you are! You are just a bias shit. I just can't laugh with you anymore!

2009-06-26T22:04:00.003+08:00

Came back not long ago from cycling! I cycled from my house, Tampines all the way till bedok reservoir. It's not that far but it's satisfying. I went to Bedok, Blk 511 to have my favourite stingray. They serve the best stingray ever! It's a must to try it out!

After a day cycling, I had blisters on my feet! I should have not chosen to wear the slippers that I did not wear for ages! I thought that it would comfortable to wear it but I just prove myself wrong! Weekends coming tomorrow. School reopening in 3 more days! I yet to finish my art. Going to do it last minute. She's just going to go through it. Not the actual passing up. Must strive for the best when school reopens. I have not been studying!

2009-06-26T00:21:00.002+08:00

June holidays passed by fast.

Little did I know that half a year have gone.

Time does past really fast.

2009-06-23T10:01:00.003+08:00

Went to the Zoo with my boyfriend yesterday. We spend our 1st year together in the Zoo. Don't really had a great time there cause its super warm there. I can't stand the heat. When it's too warm, my mood will gradually turn dull. Super dull that kind.

Reach Zoo at around 2 plus close to 3. Bought tickets and went in. Nothing special happen. See the photos okays. I didn't went to school today and mummy won't let me out for sure. Cause she will start throwing tantrum and nag like hell that I did not went to school and go out to walk instead! My mother.... is totally not follow the century at all. She doesn't understand what nowadays school are like.

I went to school yesterday. Woke up super early just to go to school. Reach school at 750 and then went to class. Cause the schedule there write that my clas have lessons from 0800 to 1000. But we sat outside our class for like 30 mins? And NO teacher came at all. We all then plan to go home. Went to the general office blah blah blah. Then Husnul asked a teacher and that teacher said that E maths tutorial starts at 1030! Fuck. Nobody, nobody in that bloody school told my class about it. And the timetable did not state anything. So we all went to whitesands to have breakfast. Had KFC. And I went to school for nothing yesterday! What a waste of my time. The school doesn't even bother to inform us. The school have a problem, not the students. Bearing a few more months and bye to the school!

Last week of the holidays. More specifically its the last 5 days to school reopen.

Super unglam photo! I even saw them Urine! Didn't manage to capture that part. And it faced me to urine!

2009-06-22T12:23:00.002+08:00

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/index.htm

Click on the link, scroll down to vote!

This vote is all about the H1N1 case.
There is an 16 confirmed new cases in Singapore!

"H1N1 cases could rise further as students return to schools after holidaying in flu-hit countries. How should schools cope?"

	extend holidays
	conduct lessons via Internet
	students return to schools as scheduled

So this are the votes! Vote which one you want at the link above! Not here****

I voted for extend holidays. I mean who doesn't love holidays? But then there is a risk to it. I mean when it is the holidays, who will study right? Definitely everyone will relax. But I will make sure I study from this week on till the O Levels. I can't afford to fail my O's!

Zoo, Zoo, Zoo!

2009-06-21T22:38:00.002+08:00

I have just changed my blogskin and edited as shown above.

Better then the previous one I suppose.....

1 Year with my boyfriend tomorrow.
Not excited. Just feeling.... Normal? I'm too tired.

School tomorrow. Shit you, bitch.
That's all.

2009-06-18T23:34:00.004+08:00

My favorite photo of the day! Just photoshop to make it brighter!

Practically just went to marina square with my boyfriend today. Had sakae sushi and then movie. Watch "The taking of Pelham 123". It's a good movie. I rate it 3/5. I like the action but the conversation is somehow boring! Haha.

Holiday was bored. Plainly bored. I have not been revising at all! Practically no mood cause was in the holiday mood. Like who wanna study during the holidays! Haha. But definitely I will start at the last week of the holiday. Which is next week! I know my results definitely gonna be shit. Shit stuffs.

I don't really look forward to school reopen. Have to see faces which I don't want to... Kinda torturing. Well, have to face it, it's life. Unless some angels can help me get rid of them. You would be of a great help then.

2009-06-15T22:14:00.002+08:00

I going to curse you like hell. Curse you that you go to hell and never revive!

You are a bitch. A total bitch.
I mean like I doesn't even like you at all and of course I would roll my eyes over you when you walked pass me or something. And you? You fugly piece of shit. You still have the cheek to say out loud that I stare at you. I mean like, you can just come straight to my face and ask me why I stare at you. And my answer for you is that I dislike you, bitch.

You bitch should be curse down to hell forever. You boyfriend is useless. So short. Almost the height of yours! Old and ugly. And you? Always one kind of face where people look at you, they would want to beat you up. Cause your face totally shine out this kind of shit.

Everyone criticizes.

2009-06-10T23:15:00.003+08:00

I swear, photoshop do makes miracles!

I went to school early in the morning for just one hour for bio and of course after that is Physic. But Physic teacher was sick so had 1.5 hour free! Went to whitesands with Cheryl, Philana & Ayu to have KFC breakfast. Had porridge. It's kind of normal tho.

I left art lesson at 12.30pm cause my brother is having his POP(passing out parade). I tell you, it's fucking warm at Tekong. I swear it is damn warm. Went to the parade hall and see the POP. Its boring and not impressive, totally boring. And then there's this time where we must go down to the parade ground to put on my brother cap, I tell you, when I walk past those men, its super smelly! I cannot stand man. It sinks like mad. P.S : Please don't feel offended. It's the truth that you sink! So blah blah blah. Spent my whole afternoon there. Hot like mad! Came home to bath and out of dinner! I like Asam fish! Three thumbs up!

2009-06-08T14:41:00.003+08:00

As you all can see, I have had Photoshop CS2 downloaded into my computer!

Photoshop do makes wonders, don't it.

Up to today, I still dislike you. Dislike you for what you had done to me. Bitch.

Getting my W508 later :D